Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Mike,

Funny, I always pictured Ohio as cold.

I know I could never forget my H's A, but I have already forgiven him. I'm not quite sure how to tell him w/out sounding trite - I did say a couple of weeks ago on the phone that I had forgiven him a long time ago, but I'm not sure it registered w/ him as he was thinking about my pro/con list.

H sounded down today. I asked what was wrong and he says it's b/c he will be away (b/c of work) for St. Pats Day - he's Irish so it's always been a big deal for him & his family. D will be dancing most of the day & H will miss it. I wonder if it was also b/c I was going out but didn't say who with specifically, just "out w/ a couple of girls for coffee". H hasn't spoken to his parents in 2 mos, and I've asked if he's called them, but he says not yet. I also wonder if he's worried about calling them for St. Pat's Day. So many things rolling around in his mind, I imagine.

Oh H really likes the dog, offers to come over to let her out when he knows I'm doing something after work or if he's at the house for some reason or other. I'm glad I gave him keys, since I think it's making him feel more connected to the house. We've talked a bit about projects we want to do around the house in the future - more baby step signs, I guess, both the dog and the house.

I had an interesting meeting tonight w/ an A support group ("the girls" I met for coffee). It was organized by a "life coach" associated w/ BAN (they have a website) and there were two other LBS there. Turns out my sitch was very similar to the coach's sitch and she had an interesting perspective on what I should do. She said that if something goes on long enough w/out any push to change it, it becomes a way of life. She suggested that at some point soon I should have the conversation w/ my H that I won't live like this forever and suggest a timeline for him to come home, say by the end of the year. Her M was saved, she says it's better than it's ever been, but it was hard work. Her H's A lasted 3 yrs, plus 2 yrs to reconcile/heal. It gives me alot to think about.

She did agree about the childhood trauma theory behind MLC, though. She does alot of coaching of people in similar sitch's so I imagine she has a pretty good perspective on that, not just her own M.

I guess at this point you have decided not to try to stop the D, is that right? Or are you just going along w/ your W to see if she will follow through? The fact that she doesn't want much makes me think about the detachment of the MLCer from their previous life. But it is encouraging about her reconnection w/ S's. Remember, they start w/ kids and work their way up. I'm still hoping things turn around for you before it gets to D day.

FA