Worried I found DB too late #2

[cw68]

I know I need to keep my emotions in check. I just don't know if I can do this. How long can I keep this up? My life has been a living hell since July.

I got a text back from him that said, "I do appreciate you. You're right, I'm not there. You don't make me fearful, I was just not looking forward to an argument... "

But he obviously doesn't want me, doesn't enjoy me. He doesn't even love our kids enough to want to try. All he wants to do is go off to his apartment, escape the life he created and wait for some flipping breakthrough to land on his lap while we're the ones sitting here working our asses off and in pain.

I think I might be close to being done. Maybe I'm the one who will head for the hills. I don't know how much strength I have left in me. Perhaps the only DBing I can do is the LRT.

Today's such a bad day. I'm so out of sorts. I hate my life, I hate what my H has done to me and our family. I hate that every single day my kids say they miss their Dad, that they want him to move home. I can't sleep, my house is all torn up and the next 10 days are going to be tough with family in town. Family that irritates me, honestly.

I need a break. I need a breakthrough. I need a new life.