Hello Mr. MLC part deux!!

[mymonkeybug]

LMAO!!! FG, you are such a doll to post while ill.

The other country just left from his Thursday night visit and I let him stay longer than I told him he could yesterday. I told him I needed space and time to process what he said yesterday and that he could come tonight as usual but only stay for a half hour or so. Well he asked when I wanted him to leave and I told him he could stay the usual time. I think that blew him away.

I also DID NOT bring up yesterday and what we discussed and I am sure he fully expected me to. I stayed pretty much away from him and wouldn't you know he came to me making small talk. He had even sent me his usual Thursday night text while on his way asking if I needed anything so this time I said yes please some milk and he obliged.

I talked to him about the parent teacher conference with son's teacher yesterday and he seemed glad I did.

I had also gotten my hair cut today and some new color added and he couldn't seem to stop looking and mentioning it. He put the kids in bed, yep our bed, yep they still sleep with me since he left. I walked him to the door as usual so I could lock it behind him and he said thank you and sorry. ??????? I assumed he meant sorry because he could hear the kids from upstairs crying now and I told him, "Oh this is nothing it will really hit in another 10 minutes."

So Forrest, I will be in Massachusettes Sat. morning with the kids for 6 days and you probably won't see me post anything until I get back unless I have some free time to get on a computer somewhere at one of the aunt's or uncle's homes. You want me to stay away at least until Monday? Why? Venting here is good. I will say though that I feel relief that he is doing something, not what I wanted him to do but he is at least making movement. We like it when the other country makes movement right? Even if bad movement? Come on reassure me a little.

So anyway, goodnight and I hope you are feeling better soon. Can't promise I will vacuum naked or even woodwork naked but I will do something. I am seeing the lawyer just to know exactly what I need to be looking at here. This in no way means I will be acting as I refuse to file anything. He walked out so he files, get my drift? I will not concede to the other country by giving it the satisfaction of doing it's dirty work.

[Forrest Gump]

#1.

My toes are pointing towards him but as well as my heart but my mind right now is elsewhere and since my actions and talk this week are so 180 of what they have been since he left he seems more at ease around me so I am to believe I should continue on that path for a bit. He is getting exactly from me what he asked for when he left and that is space.


See you get it and yet you dismiss it. I can see where he sees Queen B. right now. Rightfully so. The response's to conflict are Fight, Flight or Fear. You are a fighter. He's got wings. Thats ok. One of you has to change. Read the above post. What is wrong with space? I told you I was sick. Was not up to the task. You were completely fine with letting me get some space. Yes, I really am sick just my spin on things.


#2..

He very quickly corrected me and said he is still living with his parents which is the total opposite of what he said just the previous weekend about living with friends up town who are taking care of him and helping him.

When people use words like "quickly corrected" I perk up. Why was he QC'ing you. My mind wanders into Queen B might have showed up. Or Mrs. Fix It. He knows your tones. Your words. As much as you want to deny it he does. What was your "Emotion" saying to him?

Ok... so I feel I need to qualify my use of "". Typically that means I don't want you to think of the true definition of that word. I am asking you to, well, put yourself into that word or words. It is my attempt to show and focus emotion. So to put it into practice lets take the last sentence.

What was your "Body language, Tonal inflections, Your hands, What was going thru your mind." saying to him?

I understand I may not get a honest assessment of what really went on. The reason I say that is that you may not know what you do that just smacks him the wrong way. Thats ok.

Remember... You are about to learn more about your husband than you ever thought possible.

#3...
It really seems like since I have backed way off this past week he is coming around and behaving more like the old Danny he used to be long before he left.

What? I can't hear you. Can you speak up please! Oh.. I got it now. He was asking for space. He got a little bit. Look at what happens when someone listens. Even though they weren't. Yes. I left off the analysis's part. Cause it had poop all over it.

Little break. I will be back. Friday is coming.

[Forrest Gump]

I did not mean no posting here. I thought this was a weekend trip. No contact with other countries till next, next Monday. Post here all you want.

[Forrest Gump]

Other countries = Your WAS.

Contact with him only on direct relation to the trip. No policy discussion.

[mymonkeybug]

FG-

I cracked this morning. I had to text him about a financial matter so yes I did contact other countries. It was a banking issue a bills.

So anyway, have a great weekend everyone and a fun St. Patty's day. I will continue to post while away if I can grab a free moment otherwise take the time to read and catch up and drop your opinions for me. I am trying to GAL and live for me and the kids but we all know it's hard.

[mymonkeybug]

OK FG and anyone else that has told me to back off...yep I farted it up again. Obviously I am doing the same old stuff. Why can't I figure this out?

Anyway H and I spoke this morning as I mentioned I had to text hime about a financial matter. I broke down into tears and apologized for my roll in our poor financial choices and how I realize he harbors resentment towards me because he earned and I paid the bills and when he wanted something or I did webought it even if it meant something else didn't get paid, hence our problems. He always trusted me and I betrayed that. So anyway I can accept that as my fault.

He got angry with me telling me that all he asked me for are the last 3 years of W2's and I could only give him 2007 and some paper about this Controlled Seperation I had read about rather than legal seperation. He was pissed that I couldn't give him the other W2's. I explained to him as I did lastnight that I couldn't find them, and reminded him about how cluttered my office is and how I really couldn't find them to which lastnight he laughed because he knows it is so true. I explained to him through my tears how scared I was because I have depended on him for eveyrthing for nearly 20 years and now that is all gone and he professed that he was not trying to ruin me or kick me out of the house and reminded me that I also have the same seperation papers form the courthouse that he does and that neither one of us has done anything with them. So he hasn't done anything with them? Interesting. He explained that the reason he wanted the W2's is because he istrying to refi. the house so that the kids and I can stay because we ahve never been able to afford it and he doens't want us to leave it if we don't have to.

I told him that had he only said that the other day and not thrown in all that stuff about talking to a L and getting the paperwork going for seperation that I wouldn't have paniced. I told him that the secrets and little ommissions he is keeping from me are what is causing my behavior as well as my inability to control my emotions.

So I told him I would bust tail today to find the other 2 years of W2's and have them on the table if he wanted to come by while we gone to get them. I then sent him a text letting him know that I did find them and they are ready for him.

This detaching thing is tough. I can't seem to get the hang of it and if I do something right in regards ot DB'ing and GAL I always seem to slip back and then have to go back track.

Anyway, I look forward to this trip and hope it will help me clear my mind and do some major detaching.

[Starshyne]

Have a nice relaxing time on your trip. You and the kids totally deserve it!

I am in the same boat as you with the whole GAL/DBing. I feel like everytime I make some gains, I end up messing it all up again and do something wrong (most likely contacting the OW or starting to cry). Detaching is almost impossible when you have such a deep love and caring for another person.

Try to keep your mind off your troubles while you are gone.

Sara

[smith18]

Heather, you did ok. The whole issue of your financial future is very stressful. I am sure your H has the same concerns.

Have a great trip to Massachusetts! I had to look on a map to see that there is quite a distance between Maryland and there.

[Forrest Gump]

You are killing me over here.

I know it is stressful. I can feel the stress over here.

Go back and read the rules. Seriously.

I hope you are leaving for your trip soon. Get him the W2's. Go on your trip. Stop making policy.

You are better than this woman. Get your head on straight.

[mymonkeybug]

Everyone-

I will be leaving tonight to start our trip. I make a solemn promise to everyone following me and my story that I WILL NOT CONTACT H AT ALL WHILE AWAY UNLESS IT INVOLVES AN ISSUE WITH THE KIDS(I HOPE NOT).

I have the W2's for him on the table if he so decides to come down here and get them while we are away.

FG-I will be taking some of my books with me so I can read and re-read while on the plane and away to try and get my bearings about me again. I had post partum depression after having D5 and I believe I am in a depressive state again and may be talking to Dr. when I get home about meds. as I feel getting my seratonin levels in check may help with these intense emotional outbursts and if I can get some help controlling my emotions then maybe I can concentrate better on DB'ing and shining and being the woman he wants to come home to.

Thank you all for your well wishes and I will take pics and figure out some way of sharing them you all when I get home.

If I can get to a computer I may journal in here some of the high points of the trip like the St. Patty's day parade we are going into Boston to see Monday. It's times like this that I can truly appreciate my Irish heritage. I have never gone back home for the parade and can't wait. Home...I wonder maybe I will go back there for good when this is all over and done?!?!?!

Best wishes and XOXO to you all including you FG. Hope you are getting better.