"Once this line is crossed, it seems to me that it takes a herculean effort to ensure that you would not cross it again".
Frank said:
Quote:
"Most 'affair' books I've read talk about each situation being different. It's common for the LBS to have to have some kind of atonement from the WAS because they have been severely HURT and betrayed. It's not a punishment where they have to 'beg for forgiveness'. It's them having enough empathy to understand what they put you through and if they love you enough, they will want to heal that wound any way they can."
It doesn't take "effort" not to cheat if what Frank said is what is truly felt by the offending spouse. That it wouldn't be done again, due to the depth of understanding and feeling - which is an incredibly painful depth to reach - goes without saying for the person who once cheated. That said, not everyone wants to feel that pain they caused their spouse and family on such a deep level, and personally, I'd suggest to them that NOT try to understand on too profound a level because I begged for that understanding and I wish to God I hadn't. It is too heavy a weight to carry and after two years of it, I am unraveling at breakneck speed. Once you add to that the unforgiveness of the spouse, that unbearable weight WILL eventually manifest itself no matter how much that person tries to comprehend that God has forgiven them.
In the world, unforgiveness by the victim can prevent the cheater from being able to really forgive him/herself. Granted, unforgiveness is a prison of the cheaters own making but it can and will hold both parties hostage and worldly justice, I suppose, is the fact that in the end, it is the victim that holds the keys...
