Seriously, you did not blow anything. You really needed to draw the line. Don't cross it. Let him. Trust me (us). You need to allow him to find his way home. It's the only way you'll be sure its for sure. If you keep chasing him it won't work long term.
Texted H on way home from teaching b/c S needs his medicine filled for his ear infection and I have no insurance cards. H called me back and said there should be insurance cards in the mail today, to go and look. This was at 4 so he should have gotten the letter already....Got home and the cards were in the mail. Called H and got voicemail, said "We got the cards, thanks." He texts back, "Still at work, what's up?" like he didn't listen to the message. So I just texted back, "Cards were in mail, thanks"
Anyway we went to town to get the meds and H calls, like 20 minutes after the text. He talked to me for 10 minutes. Said he had a long talk w/boss today and boss says he understands that H's job as head of sales is the toughest job in the office, etc. His biggest frustration w/prior job was that the boss didn't "get" him, "get" the business, etc. I said you must be so much happier to have a boss who understands you and supports you, he said, yeah it will be so much better.
As he was talking he apparently drove past a restaurant we went to a lot when we were dating, "Oh Howards, forgot about that place", he said. I said, yeah I loved their tacos and the mariachi band, you are making me hungry. I forgot about those restaurants,too. Well he proceeds to name 3 or 4 more restaurants we used to go to all the time when we were dating, said, "I work close to all of those places".
Can anyone tell me, after I write a letter saying I can't stay in this marriage, why is he going on a trip down memory lane?
Since I closed my letter saying I am tired of fighting and want kids to have positive memories, (and honestly b/c I still love H even if I can't live with him), I stayed upbeat throughout the convo., agreeing that I loved all of those places, too. I never mentioned my letter and neither did he.
Of course, none of this changes my mind about anything. I am still removing myself from the fight and moving forward w/my life. I will welcome H as a friend and parenting partner, but nothing else. In time we can revisit things if he gives me reasons to want to...but for now, friends it is. Maybe that is even too generous. But he'll always be my kids dad.
Anyway it was just surreal that I threw in the marital towel at 1:00 and at 6:00 we are talking about the good old days??
1:00 and 6:00 that's what we call the rollercoaster ride. I've been on it for a while and I am a little tired of it. Of course alot of this rollercoaster ride is self inflicted. We LBSs pay way too much attention to what our WASs say. This is especially true when we think we hear something positive. It's going to take alot more than memories or in my case a text message or a peck on the lips to get this ship righted. I think we should concentrate on straightening ourselves out and a little less on what our WAS are doing. Of course I do the exact same things as you describe above.
Thanks again, I don't know how I could do it without you guys. Kids just called H to tell him goodnight. They ask for him on occasion but have been doing really well, actually. Course they just think he is only gone b/c of work...
Anyway I am sticking to my guns. H has to come to me I will do my best to make sure my pursuing days are over. I am sure I will backslide some b/c I always do. But I am wanting the crests and drops on my rollercoaster to be closer together, more like little dips and lifts than peaks and valleys. Kalni talks about being flat. Doubt I will ever be flat but would settle for being somewhere close...
All for now. Put D to bed now time to do the same with S
BobbiJo, Don't regret what you said in your letter. I believe you had to say what you did. I keep remember that your H said something about not being able to respect you because you have always taken him back. Show him that you are strong and you won't put up with his $h1t. Just because he was looking for a place for the family doesn't mean he is ready to change. You are turning into one tough woman! H better watch out.
Thanks again guys! Getting ready for bed, I have not been to bed before midnight since I don't even know when, almost two weeks ago... Oh one more thing. I leave on Saturday morning for the two birthday parties. Was going to leave on Friday night, but my parents will already have my sister, her husband, her Ds (7, 5, and 11 months), and her LOUD YAPPY DOG Friday night. My MIL will have my SIL, her H, their 2 Ds (2 and 6 wks), and their 2 DOGS Friday night. So I am staying HERE!!
Wasn't sure how that was going to work b/c H will be here starting Fri night to work on the house over the weekend. Decided it would be good so kids could see him for about 30 min. before bed, and eat breakfast w/him before we leave. Otherwise we were going to meet for supper somewhere on the road. Anyway H will get kid time. And I will get to look and be fabulous in front of him, yet still be unattainable May be a WIN WIN....
Unfortunately I will be spending Saturday night with the crazy crowd at my parents'. I love them but hate sleeping over when the dogs and babies and everything are there. Kids don't get much sleep, I don't get much sleep, and it is LOUD until midnight or later because my Sis lets her girls go to bed w/a movie on my parents' big screen, which butts up against the wall of the bedroom my kids and I sleep in. So we hear it all, like it or not.. Oh well. Still fun to see family, just not fun to sleep with them! Going to go to bed soon, really----I think
Maybe I will fed-ex you a 2x4 and you can deliver it to my H for me 
May be a WIN WIN....