I am happy H is not the center of your being anymore. Isn't the feeling great, rewarding? Love is still there -of course- but we suddendly realise we can be, happy(not yet) & content (for sure) on our own..
Now i definately have to get this book. Need to find my gift card for barnes and noble.
hugs bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
he hung out for an extra 45 minutes with me. I guess that's a good thing. He didn't mention anything about lunch tomorrow and neither did I. He likely forgot or something came up.. funny thing is that I'm not even disappointed.
H hanging out with you for an extra 45mins is GREAT! But the real reason I wanted to quote this was because I love that you weren't disappointed about the lack of mention of lunch. Sounds like you have really mastered "no expectations"....
I also thought something else you said was interesting.....
Originally Posted By: Where2gofromhere
I truly feel that we are in stage 2.. the friendship stage.. but at this point I'm not sure if we'll ever move out of it.. I know it's early days yet and I am becoming a more patient person throughout this experience.. but my intuition is kind of telling me that this is as far as we'll get. I don't know, I guess we'll see.
....because I feel completely the same in my situation, and I don't know the exact answer to it, other than to just keep going and be patient. But, you know, when I read your situation, it seems as though you have many positives coming here and there, and I wouldn't imagine you getting stuck in friendship from what I've read. Maybe patience and PMA are the answer.....I am going to try and remember that for myself too!
Hope you're having a good day!
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
I'm really finding these self books are really working for me. I have a lot of growth and reflection yet but it's a continual journey I think.
As for my career. I'm really up in the air with this. I'm just about to receive a severance from my work.. I'm not sure how much time they'll give me but during that time I really need to figure out and start working toward a career. I'm wanting to find something fulfilling. I've been working for a paycheque my entire life and I want to find something that I feel passionate about. I just don't currently know what that is. Part of me would like to get into Yoga.. maybe become an instructor.. but (and I know I'll likely get 2x4's for saying this) but as a single Mom with no one living family wise nearby I am kind of stuck trying to find a career that would have me working while daycare is available. That means no shifts, strictly days. I know you're probably thinking that my H should help me so that I can follow my passions.. but he's already in his career and thriving.. a normal work week for him is around 60 hours.. then he has his busy time where I would say that he works around 100 hours a week.. So I kind of feel like my options are a little stunted. But I know that my inner spirit/higher power/God will help me to realize my full potential. I just need to receive (watch for, listen for or feel) what is the right direction for me.
T, welcome back. How was San Fran?
Stella, I looked for your thread yesterday... but couldn't find it.. I'll look for you again today.
Kalni, you must have been very busy at work today because I don't believe I saw many postings from you so thank you for taking a moment to post to me! I hope things slow down a bit for you again soon.
Lisa/One Day.. I have read your entire threads and feel that we do have a lot of similarities in our sitch.. I don't know about you but I am content with the fact that H and I are friendly.. much less stressful.. but not "really" talking, like about my feelings.. which is something I was able to do in the past.. is challenging for me.
Bear, I hope you do get the book... I think it will help you to focus on you!! I know it's helping me.
Now, I must mention briefly an interaction with H today. I'm choosing to be unreactive about this (although maybe I'm kidding myself?). Now, to get the full jist of this I need to explain to you that when everything hit initially I had said to H that D2 and I would move to the city if being out in the burbs was contributing to his "unhappiness".. and then when the realtor was here appraising the house I told him that I am not ready to move and that I didn't want to move or sell our house unless it was to have a fresh start as a family in a new place. (Hmmm, this is proving to take a little bit more thread space than I intended!). Anyway, on the phone today he said he had a followup email from the realtor and that the houses they mentioned in our neighbourhood sold for the listing prices they told us.. I said "interesting".. He said that he explained we weren't looking to sell right at this moment but if they could look into "Lofts" in the city (he gave street boundaries) and send him some listings so we can see what's out there that that would be great. Now, I know that I'm not supposed to analyze this.. especially since this is the same thing he mentioned when the realtor was at the house and we weren't as "friendly" at that time.. but if he's actually serious about investigating places in the city this would mean one of three things: 1. He would like us as a family to sell the house and move to the city. 2. He would like us as a property owners to sell our house and he will move to the city and D2 and I will move wherever. 3. He's curious to know what is available and for what price in the city.
I know I can't read his mind.. and I at this time I don't want to because it's either good, bad or just curiousity.. and I'm not up for the BAD.. so I'd rather just leave it alone.. but I have to say, in moments of weakness today my mind did wonder at times..
I would leave it alone and see where he goes with it. He probably doesn't even know himself.
W2G,
If at all possible find a job you love. Or at least like. You'll be happier and be a better mom for it. I'm sure you can find alternative hour daycare.
I can't give much advice on overanalyzing your H because I do it on a daily basis. Time will tell what he was interested in when talking to the Realtor...Good luck on the job front....
BBJ is right, we all overanalyze. I am no different. It mazes me that we never stop and ask to clarify their statements when they are fresh in their minds. "What do you mean by that?" I remember one particualr evening when my W was hugging / straddling me and said something to the effect of I hope you don't read too much into this or I hope you don't misinterpret this. I just pulled back and said why don't you explain to me what exactly you are doing. It sure surprised her.
Okay is it just me?? Or does anyone else find themselves checking out the ring finger when they see someone attractive? There's this "daddy" that picks up his son at the same time that I pick up my daughter from daycare. To be honest I don't recall ever seeing him until this week.. it makes me wonder if it's a new routine or if I was just in a much different head space before this week.. Anyway, he is SUPER attractive.. right down to the slight bit of silver on the sides around his ears.. and I noticed today that he wasn't wearing a wedding ring. He seems really good with his son too!
I'm still standing for my marriage but I'm not blind. A huge part of me actually looks at this guy and thinks under different circumstances he would be out of my league anyway.. but the new me is trying to think positively about myself.. and with that in mind.. under different circumstances I can see myself with a tall handsome, supportive, understanding and emotionally available man like him.
That's my thoughts for the moment.. just wanted to see how many people relate to the finger watching.
