Just wanted to add that I found this to be interesting:

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He was complaining that even though he is gone and spending all of his free time with OW, I don't pursue him...


This too:

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He ended up calling me at 3:45 in the morning and telling me that he was sorry that I had seen that, blah, blah,blah and that ulimately he just needed to get this out of his system and that he thought he would be home.


I could be wrong, but it seems to me that your H "ultimately" wants to be with you again, but for whatever reason, he's not feeling loved. He's not feeling wanted.

Have you read "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman? Do you know what your H's LLs are?

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell