Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Mike,

I try not to read too much of the piecing stuff either, maybe b/c I don't want to think we're there and then have a major backslide, maybe b/c alot of the piecing advice is the same as the reconnecting advice. Things seem to be moving in a good direction, so I don't want to change things too much.

My H has worried about me being unfaithful since we were in our early 20's and I had a little fling while on a college bus trip. This was at least 20 yrs ago (10 yrs before we got M), but he told me he never forgot and it has never been able to get it out of his mind. Also, about 10 yrs ago I became friends w/ someone I worked w/, which caused H uncertainty and suspicion - it wasn't exactly an EA, and I did consider taking it to the next level, but I made a decision that I would not do that, that I loved my H too much and was not willing to sacrifice my M for something that I knew was not real. Somehow I knew that my feelings for this person were borne out of a feeling that there was something missing from my life (tick tock).

These two events are undoubtedly why my H doesn't believe I can ever forgive him and we can ever have an R where his A is not an overriding issue. The only way I can prove that it's possible is by living it. The comments will continue, and I just have to ignore them until they go away or become an actual conversation. We had this conversation when I found out about OW last Oct, and I told him that I wasn't even considering dating, I had way too much on my plate trying to get my life figured out. I have left it at that for the time being.

I hope you're right about H trying to figure out how undo the damage he's done. It probably looked like a huge mountain to him in the beginning. Maybe he's broken it down into chunks, and the first chunks are to get a good job and spend some time together having fun & working toward feeling comfortable w/ each other (he did tell me that's what he wanted to do). As time goes on hopefully he'll be able to move onto some of the other chunks.

But I keep reminding myself that it is essential that I be patient, so I'm keeping the cool look on the outside, and still trying to suppress the celebration, since we really do still have a long way to go.

I am about 30 mins from the WA border. We do get alot of liquid sunshine too, but that's usually b/w Nov and Feb/Mar. We do get nice summers most years (August tends to be the most reliable, weather-wise). I'm sure your brother is already bragging to you about all the flowers blooming on this side, while you guys are still shovelling all that white sh*t, so I won't even mention it.

FA