Nut's post was amazing. Perfectly worded. Its time to protect yourself. She is cake eating. Not necessarily from you, but from the situation that's for sure. I never saw it that way until nut pointed it out. She is getting the benefits of being married, yet treating her husband so horribly. Not right. You have been a gentlemen all along, and provided her a safe path 'home' if she wanted. But she can't do this to you. She just can't.
Any way to pull your name off some of the bills (items she will own or be responsible post divorce, etc...). For example, if she's getting a particular car can you take your name off it? You should probably take her off your account as well.
I think you've done a great job of outlining things.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Update: No reply to the email. And no deposit into my account.
She is making a mistake in the way she is handling the finances. If this becomes a contested divorce, her behavior will not be taken well by the family court judge. He has a reputation as being very fair-minded, and has a low tolerance for spouses who take matters into their own hands. Also, her purchase of the puppy (and a few other things) could be interpreted as "parental alienation." Either she is getting bad advice or no advice from her attorney.
Regarding the lunch today... the power lies with me. I am in the position of strength here. I hold the cards. Contrary to what she has said in the past, she does not want to be the "bad guy." She does not want her infidelity leaked all over town. And the way things are going, this is exactly the path that she is choosing. Word's gonna get out, and when it hits the street, nobody's gonna blame me a bit for heading to the courthouse.
I'm sitting here wondering how your lunch is going. Just thinking of you and hoping everything is going okay. You're a strong person. Your kids are very lucky to have you fighting for what's best for them. I know you love them very much.
Hugs to you my friend.
-Sues
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day