Continuing Forward--Beth's 3rd thread

[Beth 83]

Journalling:

I was posting over on OD's thread about GAL and caring for herself. I wanted to talk a little about my feelings about H and OW and where my role plays.

Honestly, how I feel:

About moving on w/o H:

H was my first serious boyfriend. We did get married young.

Certain things have happened to me that make me realize that H's childhood wounds and the issues he had dealing with them, were an extreme burden on me. There have been times since we have been separated that I feel such a relief that I'm not dealing with them anymore.

I look forward to selling our house (which we are getting prepared to do) and getting my own apartment (prior to us getting married, I lived with my parents, so I've never had my own place before).

For whatever crisis H is going through right now, he lied to me for a whole year. Did absolutely horrible things to me. Betrayed me in a way I never thought he would. I am furious at him.

H shows no signs of stopping w/ OW.

My feelings on H:

I still love him.

I am worried that H will not confront his Childhood Wounds within a timeframe that is acceptable for me. (I will not go back to H until he chooses to work through these)

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So, when I list things like this, I really wonder what I should do. MY Timeframe is to wait to make any decisions until after we sell the house and I get my own place. I think that it would be better when I am finally in my own space, standing on my own feet and being one step further from H.