Well I think that honesty is all there is in a relationship but I also agree with just_me. We have to pick our battles and make what we really need and expect count. The little annoyances are going to be there in any relationship so are they really worth fighting about? By the same token I would want to know that what I was getting back was complete honesty and to feel safe enough to ask for it!
I think the question has to be, if someone is being untruthful and you want to confront them, you have to ask yourself why it is so important to you.
If it matters and has value, then confront away. I say you should have the balls to ask the questions that need to be asked.
Honesty is a tough one because unfortunately I believe a lot of people sometimes view things differently and what seems honest to one person, may seem dishonest to another. We all factor what is honest based on what we know and believe for ourselves. We all have the ability to make assumptions and that can lead to us questioning the honesty of others. Its a catch 22 sometimes.
The important thing is that we are honest with ourselves, and the people that matter to us.
I also think that if our WAS's could have been honest and said " hey, I am not happy in the marriage what can we do to try and fix it" instead of running and having an affair, maybe I for example would not have such an issue with honesty and trust. Hope that makes sence
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
To the men. when asked the age old question Honey do I look fat in this dress?
The only proper response is To immediately fall on the floor and have seizure.
oh my god, I just read this.. I laughed so hard I blew water out my nose.
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
What is everyone's response now to the knowledge that someone is being dishonest with you? Do you call them out on it? Ignore it? Ignore and drop them from your life? Try to forgive and forget? Anything else?
I actually contemplated this question for a long time after finding out my stbx was lying to me about her A.
I couldn't decide if she was being dishonest to me to protect my feelings or if she was doing it to serve her own purpose. I still don't really even know to this day. We were always honest with each other during our M. Sometime I think she did it to string me along and then there are times I think she did it to protect my feelings or to soften the blow.
I think how I would react (forgive, forget, ignore, drop them, etc,.) depends on what somebody's reason is for being dishonest with me.
I think I could forgive easier if they were dishonest to me to protect my feelings or if there was no malicious intent. If the intent was self-serving, vindictive, or to cause harm to me in some manner, then I would have a harder time with that one.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I couldn't decide if she was being dishonest to me to protect my feelings or if she was doing it to serve her own purpose. I still don't really even know to this day. We were always honest with each other during our M. Sometime I think she did it to string me along and then there are times I think she did it to protect my feelings or to soften the blow.
I think how I would react (forgive, forget, ignore, drop them, etc,.) depends on what somebody's reason is for being dishonest with me.
I think I could forgive easier if they were dishonest to me to protect my feelings or if there was no malicious intent. If the intent was self-serving, vindictive, or to cause harm to me in some manner, then I would have a harder time with that one.
The affair itself was the dishonesty. And regardless of the reasons, it was a dishonesty if by failing to mention this OP, it gave you the impression there was a chance. But just imagine that you never found out about an affair, things worked out between you, and you had a great relationship. Would you want that honesty?
Last edited by Just_Me; 03/17/0809:48 PM.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
