Thanks for the encouragement. I will not be emotional. Indeed, this is step #1 on my pathway to freedom from the person who has brought me so much pain.
I intend to request (demand) the following:
- We will handle this as if it were contested (esp. regarding finances and disclosure).
- 50/50 custody of the kids. I will settle for nothing less, and if the divorce were to be contested, the judge is known to grant this request (in the absence of physical or substance abuse - none of that here).
- We will both exercise flexibility in working around each of our work/travel/personal schedules
- We will alternate years on carrying kids' health insurance.
- Medical expenses not covered by insurance will be documented and reimbursed by the other parent on a monthly basis
- We will make equal contributions to the kids' college funds in an amount that will be mutually agreed upon during the divorce and adjusted each December. If one person wants to make additional or larger contributions, the other party will not be compelled to match any increases or additional contributions.
- College expenses above what can be covered by the aforementioned savings plans will be split between us.
- Expenses for all extracurricular activities will be split equally after the divorce is final.
- We will consult each other before making significant decisions that affect the kids (eg ear piercing, contact lenses, etc).
- We will follow the holiday schedule format as recommended by the Family Court (it's equal and fair to both parents).
- This will be very confusing and difficult for our kids. In the interest of making this easier on them, we will both agree that neither of us will introduce a new partner to the kids until 365 days after the day that the divorce is final (This will be a "handshake" agreement - not in the divorce papers).
- #3 will attend Catholic School. She will continue her parochial school education as long as we both agree that this is what is best for her. All expenses with regard to her education will be split between us.
Although I have these in writing, I will review them one at a time with her. When I am finished, I will give her the paper to review.
IMO, all of the above are fair and reasonable requests. My expectation is that she will reject the second and second-to-last. She will cave on the former, and never agree to the latter.
