The problem I had has to do with the fact that, at the time, both of us came from a background of believing firmly that marital infidelity was sin. And while sin is sin, infidelity is a particularly devastating one because of the number of people who are impacted negatively. In addition, it constitutes a serious breach of the marital vows which are made in the presence of God and friends.

It's not a matter of placing "requirements" on forgiveness. Forgiveness is a matter that best heals US not them. It allows us to continue on without hoping or expecting retribution for what has hurt us. Too often I think we meld discussion of forgiveness with issues of trust.

Forgiveness can be given honestly and sincerely, and trust can still remain destroyed.

In my position, since there was never any willingness to accept that the actions were wrong, since, in fact, my ex seemed to be traveling along the same path as Frank's wife in insisting that what she did was not wrong because it was right "at the time," it was impossible for trust to be restored.

Again, once the line is crossed...

If trust is to be restored (and I firmly believe it must in order to restore a real relationship), the offending party MUST take steps to show that trust is merited again. This could take many forms, there certainly is no set rule. Acknowledgment that the actions were wrong and brought pain would seem to be a good first step.

Again, just my thinking out loud...


Bill

Last edited by Bworl; 03/13/08 08:43 PM.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."