Thanks, everyone. I appreciate all of you and your kind input very much.
I've said it before -- I am my own worst enemy in this. I just don't know how to keep my mouth shut, or how to otherwise keep W from dragging me into her drama.
I guess I need to get to the point where I am longer attached to her even subconsciously, to give her up on every level. Right now the only thing that drags me back in is trying to be civil with her regarding our children. She acts almost "normal" at times but then she turns on me in a heartbeat.
She acts like the thing that is keeping us apart is solely in her hands -- that she cannot trust me to make her "happy".
Trust. That's a funny one. The reality is that I am now struggling to trust her; if she were to suddenly announce she's reconsidered and now wanted to rebuild our M, it will take a lot of healing between us before I will begin to ever trust her again.
I think she realizes how far afield she's strayed, that she senses the damage between us might now be too great to repair. And she doesn't have the patience, the will or the courage to try to repair things, to take that risk. She has too many insecurities and she wants to simply cut her losses rather than risk any of her fragile self-esteem in what I believe to be a worthy effort.
If that's how she really feels, then I think maybe its time I just walk it off, call it quits myself. I can tilt at windmills with the best of them, but there comes a point where it's more folly than courage.
