Does that atonement have to be with the offender, or could it just be with one's self?
Most 'affair' books I've read talk about each situation being different. It's common for the LBS to have to have some kind of atonement from the WAS because they have been severely HURT and betrayed. It's not a punishment where they have to 'beg for forgiveness'. It's them having enough empathy to understand what they put you through and if they love you enough, they will want to heal that wound any way they can.
My counselor said she wouldn't feel like she had done 'wrong' because in her mind it was justified. But she also said that at some point she would realize the hurt _I_ went through and want to do something to heal that. I think she did to a small extent but it was more that she was upset because she was afraid that I wasn't going to forgive HER than it was her empathizing with ME and my feelings.
That seems to be the problem we have always had. I am very empathetic and she is not. She cares, but there is a difference.
