I'm not entirely understanding your question, but my wife did know very clearly that I wasn't going to meet any of her physical or emotional needs as long as she was having an affair. I told her, and I stuck to it. There were days when it was very easy, because she was being b#tchy or I knew she had been with OM, but then there were other days when it killed me to see her in such pain.
But I stuck with it.
I would occasionally give her an AOS (like cover her up with the blanket when she had fallen asleep on the couch), or give her a nice, linger-for-just-a-second kiss on her forehead, or a hug initiated by me and broken by me, but these were just often enough (1x/week maybe?) to show her that I still loved her, and hoped she made the "right" decision.
