WAW...now the LBS Part 2

[HOPEFULinCALI]

Thanks guys!!! I be back to let you know of any updates and how the following weeks go with his surgery and such. Having patience is a 180 I am still working on, but I think I need to find a new therapist to help me along.

Brantacan,
I am going to read the book you suggested after I finish a few others. When are you starting your own thread? How is your sitch going?

[brantacan]

HiC,

I'm on my second read. It has been invaluable to my DB efforts. You can go to Oprah's website and download the first 2 discussions/classes she's had with Tolle. She's doing one every Monday for 8 more weeks.

Anyway, I am really at peace with my situation. Still hopeful and committed, but not losing myself in my thoughts. W and I have spoken maybe twice in last few weeks. I had to call about some logistical things, and when I called the second time to follow up she picked up the phone and was in tears and just very sad. She seems so confused even though she still mentions topics related to D. I let her know that I am here for whatever support she needs, but left it at that. I sensed frustration on her part because I'm coping and actually doing well, while she is in a great deal of pain. Its tempting for me to want to write her or call her in an attempt to console, because part of me feels as though she wants attention from me, but another part of me fears it will push her away. So, that's the current sitch. I plan to continue to give her space and be supportive from a distance.

Thanks for asking

[jmw128]

Ok, I give I looked...what book?

How was the DB coaching session...got to looking forward to mine that I am tentatively thinking next Thursday after reading your post.

[jaw3149]

My WAW just got back after a 5 day business trip. We have been spending 2 days each at home with the kids and switching back and forth. Well, last night she didn't even sleep in bed with me. She went downstairs and slept in the spare bedroom. We have our first court date on March 27th. I believe it is to figure out temporary custody of the kids and living arrangements until the D is final.

Hopeful, just be glad that D papers aren't filed yet. It feels like a snowball that is building size and momentum and that there is nothing I can do to stop it. I just hope my LRT starts showing more promise.

Question for you: How good was the DB coaching session and would you recommend? My funds are tight; but I would do anything to save this marriage.

[HOPEFULinCALI]

jmw,

The book is "A New Earth, Awakening your life's purpose" by Eckhart Tolle. From the synopsis "Tolle describes how our attachement to the ego creates the dysfunction that leads to anger, jealousy, and unhappiness, and shows readers how to awaken to a new state of consciousness and follow the path to a truly fulfilling existence".

The session went well. She too thought that although having surgery isn't a good thing that the opportunity that it presents is coming at a perfect time. My plan is to offer help to which I suspect he may be reluctant to accept. On the other hand, last surgery he was in no shape to take care of himself so he may be willing. If he is not I have to reiterate to him that I would do the same for any friend who needed my help.

New development though. I was on Facebook and saw that one of his girlfriends had sent him a video. The screen shows her in nothing but her bra and underwear. I can see this because I am one of his friends on Facebook. I am struggling with not losing my top after seeing something like that. I don't even want to know what the video is. I'm trying to refocus so I can make the best of this opportunity.

Thanks for asking. How goes it with you?

[HOPEFULinCALI]

Question for you: How good was the DB coaching session and would you recommend? My funds are tight; but I would do anything to save this marriage.

I am sorry to hear that you sitch isn't going well. Every sitch is different so it may be that she notices your changes, but is reluctant to accept them as permanent. You are doing 180 correct?

The DBcoaching is 100% worth every penny. I sincerely believe that I would be divorced by now if it wasn't for the book, the coaching sessions and the intensive with Michele. B/C no two sitch's are exactly alike coaching helps you to tailor the techniques in the book to yours and in turn what actions you take. I would without a doubt recommend coaching sessions. It works to help you put into action what the books recommend, set goals and maintain focus.

Keeping you in my prayers.

[jmw128]

My plan is to offer help to which I suspect he may be reluctant...

Perhaps, but then again. "As if" comes to mind. I still feel that he is softening and will want you to assist him. I would wait awhile before I just flat asked what he wanted you to do. He may/may not have thought all of that through. Learned that in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - Men need time to think it through, solutions, etc... When your opportunity comes up, something simple like let me know if there is anything I can do. Also, you could offer in a way that doesn't require his immediate response and then leave. Such as after a visit in hospital room.

Besides, think of that open-door opportunity to visit the puppy and then do something for him while you are there. That, to me, is like a free chance to do for him without either of you asking. He kind of did when he said it.

As for me, thanks for asking, I got a text from WAW yesterday morning saying, before her point, "hope u r having a good week" and that is what I am focusing on...seems friendlier. She definitely didn't have to add it. Didn't like my response to it. Hindsight and all, but it was non-negative. WAW returns from trip visiting brother out of state for last several days. Curious if her time away from work, family, house, 5D, me, whatever leads to anything different...expecting at least a call to return/pickup our dog.

I am revising, refining, rewording my DB goals. Gonna go shop for new vehicle b/c my truck died - really looking forward to it, glad to get rid of it, reminds me of a bad memory. Shopping for new shirts for me. 180 also.

gl2u

[jmw128]

Every sitch is different so it may be that she notices your changes, but is reluctant to accept them as permanent.

You have a way of just highlighting important points. I know my WAW feels this way. She's told me things, at different times, like "I think you are doing these things thinking I will take you back, always wanted you do, one day I will have to be there for 5D when you change back - 5 or 10 years from now, etc..." I guess the only solution to it is be consistent and patient.

forgot to mention earlier

I was on Facebook and saw that one of his girlfriends had sent him a video...I am struggling with not losing my top after seeing something like that. I don't even want to know what the video is.

Why on? Spying? or just regular there? I am sorry you are struggling with it. Just know you cannot control the action of the girl. Hold onto the messages you are getting from your H. You can't sit and worry about it. Having said that, I can't help but laugh at the wording of your quote...Was having visions that my WAW confronted me and loses her top...

[HOPEFULinCALI]

Why on? Spying? or just regular there? I am sorry you are struggling with it. Just know you cannot control the action of the girl. Hold onto the messages you are getting from your H. You can't sit and worry about it. Having said that, I can't help but laugh at the wording of your quote...Was having visions that my WAW confronted me and loses her top...

LMAO That doesn't sound right, does it?

On facebook there is a "news feed" that lets you know when your friends send and receive messages among other actions on their account. So I wasn't looking for it, but to be honest I clicked on one of the alerts because I know this person to be inappropriate with my H via applications on the site (i.e. applications that allow you to flirt and kiss others virtually). Your right. As much as this alien I call my husband has changed his behavior I still see that he doesn't want a girl like her.

Thanks again!

[jmw128]

LMAO That doesn't sound right, does it?

Well, for my WAW vision it sounds just fine.

LOL, perhaps you can have a hospital room moment...LMAO.

Obviously, I know nothing of that site.

As much as this alien I call my husband has changed his behavior I still see that he doesn't want a girl who puts out her business for everyone to see.

yeah, you know your H best. Besides, who do you think wants to be with him after surg?