Thanks everyone for your support and your kind words. I'd love to respond to you each individually, but I'm pressed for time today and I'm doing my best not to dwell on things too much today.
The reality is that I have some very tough choices to make and that while I am willing to compromise on some things, there is only so far I will go before I need to stand my ground.
I will be speaking with my L on Monday and I will be taking the next 4 days to really think about things. I know for sure that I will be needing to sit down one on one with OW between now and May 1. Without H. Not to be nasty or anything like that, but if she is going to be in the lives of my children (as well as her children) then I need to know who she is what she is all about....and she needs to know the same about me.
Also, I'm giving a lot of thought to just how much I'm willing to give H in terms of time with S. I think by May I may be ready to give him 2 overnights a month with S. On the every other weekend that he has D I may be willing to let him have S overnight on the Sat. I can hear you all saying no no! You don't have to! I know I don't have to...but I am truly trying to find the best balance between time with his father and losing time with me. H needs to get used to him the night time and S needs to recognize H as someone he can wake up to. Better now than the shock of it later. My approach to H will be that I need to do this gradually. That I am not ready to give up 40% of my time with him and he needs to respect that. I will do my best to be accomodating in the meantime...but for possibly the first time I need to look at what is best for me as well as my children. My own well being is important too and I will not be bullied.
I have all kinds of cards I can pull like the breastfeeding one and all that stuff, but I am not interested in turning this into how much of a case can I build against him...because that will only result in him doing the same and that is not a place I want to go. The fact remains that he is a wonderful father and he wants and needs time with his children. I can respect that and I truly want that for him and for my kids. Hard as it may be on me, I want him to be happy. But not at my expense and so far it has all been at my expense. So he's going to have to accept the baby steps to get there and respect that it is what I need to properly accept things and move on myself.
See...taking the time to think these things thru and put them down really does help me to work through it. I need to accept the reality and make the most of it. Otherwise I'm not enjoying and treasuring the time I DO have with my kids. And that is most important. I want to be happy again...I really want to be happy again. Thanks again everyone. I hope to check in on all of you soon. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
