Still Confused - Just not as fresh

[Snow White]

I am livid. I know the answer to this is detaching but I am livid nonetheless. H calls me at work this morning at 9:30, I start at 7:30 he starts today at 10 and should have D to daycare by 9:30. He is looking for her snowpants they are in my car, I require a lecture on this. Then he starts complaining that she just woke up and he still has to get her dressed and is going to be late for work and that she is going to freak out because she has to wear the daycare snowpants. (she is 4 - what 4 year old sleeps till 9:30 not on my day off!) So I decide to drive the snowpants over to daycare, on my way i call H to say I am doing this and does he want me to come home and take her. So off I go to home, he was in such a rush to be on time for work that he is on the computer when I get there. We get out into the car and as I am driving to her daycare I get a text. I thought it was the thank you I didn;t get in the house. Nope, it said "So now you are breaking into my car" WTF????
I had no idea what he was talking about and he replied that I was sending texts from his phone. Then refused to answer any of my replies to this accusation or when i phoned to discuss. Now I am telling you all here, I have not been in his car and i have not sent any texts. I finally called him at work and he asked what time I woke up this morning because there was a text to his phone from his phone with nothing in it at 5:30. I said where you not there when i hit snooze 2 times at 6? He said I will call you back and never did.

Breathe.

There is little in this world that makes me more angry than being accused of lying.

[Sara]

No good deed goes unpunished. Stop being Superwoman. He has a problem, let him solve it. If he wanted snowpants, then he should have thought of it last night. Everyone has to make adjustments, including D4 if she has to wear daycare snowpants. And how can anyone not know that screwy things show up on cellphones? You are not responsible for everything that goes wrong in his life. Stop taking responsibility.

[Yoyowife]

It's amazing that things you do daily seem to be so difficult for him. I agree with Sara, let him take care of his problems. He'll see that life is not a picnic, and how he has taken you for granted when it comes to the care of your child!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I agree with the others; DON'T RESCUE HIM, Neecy. How does that saying go, "Lack of preparation on your part, doesn't necessarily create an emergency on my part"?

Love that one.

DETACH, AND LET HIM STEW. You have yet to try this for ANY length of time. I think you'd see amazing results, I really do.

Puppy

[GoingForward]

Hi, Neecy. I completely agree with everyone else. Especially this:

DETACH, AND LET HIM STEW. You have yet to try this for ANY length of time. I think you'd see amazing results, I really do.

Puppy

When my H and I first S'ed, whenever he had the boys, he would call me every half hour or so because he wasn't sure how to handle things with the boys. If it was serious, such as a fever, I would give advice on what to do. If it was anything else, like H complaining that it was too much of a "hassle" having to take S3 grocery shopping with him, I'd simply reply with, "Sorry to hear that. I know this is an adjustment for you. Well I gotta run..."

My point was to show him that I wasn't going to "come to the rescue". He wanted out, he didn't want to work on our M, he chose to leave - physically, mentally, emotionally. So he needed to understand and see the reality of his decision. "GF" was not going to be there to take care of the kids during any part of HIS time with them. The responsibilities of childcare were solely on him, and he had to figure it all out for HIMSELF.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

AMEN!!!!!!!

[Snow White]

He did come home and search the computer yesterday trying to figure out if I sent him this mysterious, so upsetting, blank text. Finally when he was done and sitting out in the chair stewing about it, I said, have I ever lied to you? And he said no. Then I said why do you think I am lying about this? What would be my purpose? It was not discussed again.


I am pretty sure I know what H's problem was yesterday. And I did not address it with him. In fact I read a book for most of the evening while he watched hockey which I think disturbed him cause he kept looking over at me then finally went and turned out the light.

Not that I care because I am so totally detached ;-)....

But, OW's facebook was updated yesterday to show that she was in a relationship with, none other than the person that she just left, that was so horrible to her that she needed h's help to get away from.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

NOW you're talking Neecy!!!

Now, see if you can do that again -- just for TODAY. One day at a time.

Can I guarantee it will work? No; none of us can, as ultimately, our spouses get to choose. But we pretty much can all see that the CURRENT way hasn't been working, plus, this way will have the side benefit of giving YOU peace every day, AND it'll drive him totally bonkers!!!

Which ain't all bad.

Puppy

[Sugar and Spice]

You can do it Neecy!!

You are right Puppy, there are no guarantees, but you can only do the very best you can, so at the end of the day you have a clear conscience and can look yourself in the mirror.

The bonkers thing is just an added perk for you! :)~

[Snow White]

NOW you're talking Neecy!!!

Now, see if you can do that again -- just for TODAY. One day at a time.

I will try my hardest. I have not talked to H since leaving the house this morning. I did go to a meeting this morning in an adjacent town, on returning I see that H did call at work, no message. Normally my reaction would be to call to see what he wanted but i am telling you all instead. Baby steps.

I did stop at McDonalds on my was to the meeting to grab a hashbrown and there was OW's vehicle. She works in the strip mall across the street from McDonald's, she must be hiding her vehicle there since she has so many stalkers...no kidding I am sure that is her explanation. Either that or it is just that it is impossible for me to go anywhere in this postage stamp town without something being shoved in my face.