What a insightful email. He is struggling with issues right now. None of them are of your doing. He has to work them out for himself. Be his friend, listen and UNDERSTAND.
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It doesn't matter, I'll get over it.
You wrote that earlier. It kinda bothered me. Things are not that easy to simply shrug it off and get over.
I do hope in your personal life this is not the mentality you use to deal with things?
You have a wonderful opportunity right now to show your H the changes. Please don't let it slip away from you.
Hugs,
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I'm really sorry that I didn't call last night. I was so beside myself not knowing what to do about things that I kind of had a little breakdown. I still haven't made my decision about the job, the money would be great, but at the same time I know things are changing here and the position would end up being temporary. I know that there may be other opportunities but the possibility of me being considered would be difficult without having my degree. Its killing me. I have always thought I was a good person and made good decisions, but lately I just don't know any more. I wish things had played different in our life's. I'm grateful for so many things and at the same time wonder what I did so wrong that things turned out the way they did. I'm really starting to hate myself and that is not a good thing. I'm sooooo sorry that life has played such a bad trick on us. They say things happen for a reason, but this is one lesson I didn't need right now. I'm so tired of being scared, so tired of second guessing myself, so tired of not knowing anything anymore. Its really time for me to make some good decisions.
Sorry to have babbled, just need to right now. Ill give you a call later.
Hi Dar...
So many women here would give their eye teeth to get a letter like this with their H sharing their feelings. My goodness. And--it ALSO means you're doing something right.
Michele talks about ACT AS IF. I'm really glad that you posted here first, because if you ACTED AS IF this was a Dear John ... you would have acted in a way that would not have helped him, and made him start thinking about other things and felt even worse. ACT AS IF you're his best friend and confident...cuz guess what....it looks like you ARE .... and if not...if you ACT AS IF you are...you soon will be with a letter like that.
In her terribly harsh and rude words, Amy gave you great advice.
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That email gives you an open path to becoming something to him that no other person can be, and that can never be taken from you.
Be his friend, Dar.
Be worthy of the trust he is placing in you by sharing these feelings he is having. Don't ever give him cause to regret it. That man is depressed. UPLIFT him. He will never forget it. It doesn't mean you have all the answers, or even ANY of them. But it means you listen, and you love, no matter what.
This is a time to listen to what I'm saying to you. It may be all you end up with but believe me, Dar, the importance of these acts - when done from the heart - the good that comes from them - may never be revealed in this life but I believe they store up treasures in the only place that really matters anyway; heaven.
This is your chance to uplift him. Speak life.
Rudeness is terrible and hurtful. It also hurts with gentler words like BNDs telling you that you have the wrong focus.
But she speaks it out of love. Actually, they both probably do.
They have been there. They want to save you from it. Like I said many women on this board would kill for a letter like that. And they don't want to see you blow it. You are at a crucial point where you could make things great/amazing even...you could win. or you could blow it. They don't want you to blow it.
Sometimes you have to hear some hard words (not rudeness).
Hang in there....and be happy...this letter was good.
Last edited by sgctxok; 03/13/0804:45 PM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
I am so off the chain disgusted with you right now I will let someone else kick you in the ass for this one.
Wake the hell up, woman.
Amy,
I know that you're trying to make a point here . . . HOWEVER, you must find a way to do so withoug being rude and crude. Everyone who comes here deserves to be treated with respect.
You're a good writer. It's obvious that your intentions are good. I know you can find better words to express yourself. Let your kinder, gentler side shine through. We all love to see that part of you.
Amy's okay talking like that with me. She and I seem the same that we say it like it is. It was my bad getting upset about it. It was emotional for me to come to work to see a great email like that from H today and I shouldn't have taken Amy or BND's words so hurtfully. These woman mean nothing but the best for me and I know truly know that.
Firstly, my initial reaction to the 2nd email, was as the moderator said..blimey I would kill to get a letter like that! I was jealous! So well done, and as others say above, this is your chance now..dont slip back into old patterns, be careful how you respond, carry on as he said being a good person, try and be compassionate, kind and to listen to him mostly. And you got an apology! Thats amazing. I thikn you shouldnt see this as a hard day, see it as an amazing day !!!! Your WAS just said you were a lovely person and apologised for hurting you! We're all queing up round here to hear that.
Secondly...Amy and BND, I think your posts border on abusive. Amy particularly, I felt you are projecting your own frustration rather unfairly. Clearly, Dar wouldnt win first prize at the DB Olympics, but shes trying! I think you proved my point when you said:
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Meantime, don't listen to me. I'm really just screaming at myself for having done the same damn things I sometimes see you doing.
Thats projection.
Anyway..remember what our mothers taught us, if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all! Constructive critiscism wins the day. I havent ever commented like this before, but I just thuoght you guys are taking it a bit far on this thread.
So Dar..go home, DANCE around the living room!!! Sing with your D! Eat chocolate! Congratulate yourself! And then start worrying about your H and hoping he will get the help he needs (but only he can do that, you cant tell him to). If he does call you, then let him talk and all that. I'm happy that he has opened up to you. Dont blow it at the last hurdle girl !! We are all watching..
Ali xx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
There is some truth in that as harsh as it could be here....better to get it here than at home. IT's like getting to step outside yourself like you're a little bird in the room and see it how others see you.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
