Letter from WAW after she flew to my city for talk

[GH31]

Brandon, Dry Heat and Just_Me,

Thanks for writing guys. I hope it doesn't take another decade to get over the abandonment (being sent to boarding school between ages 11 and 18) but if it does then so it must be. I will do whatever it takes to get over it ASAP. For a while this island mentality - that noone else cares as much about your interests as you was a source of pride for me. Nowadays it is not. A loving, generous and compassionate attitude is much more appropriate. Since DBing and making changes to my self image, I have found people being much more generous to me. When I took my shoes in for repair a few weeks ago, the guy did not charge me for the job which would have taken at least 20 minutes work plus materials. I was astonished.

This previous single-minded mentality allowed me to operate successfully in the business world and also brought me academic success. Whilst it's a great coping strategy to have at boarding school, it's an absolutely destructive and inappropriate position to take if you want a beautiful marriage, which I do. I have learned that no other worldy accomplishments matter if you don't have loving family relationships in your life. The other rewards are hollow at best.

Just_Me, I understand what you are saying. I guess my attitude is a vestige of that "Look Out for Number 1" mentality. She decided to end the relationship and took off shortly thereafter with another guy to another country. No matter what she says with her lips, her actions (which are a 180 of her words) speak volumes. I therefore have to assume that the relationship is over and try to rebuild my life from the rubble (something I really don't want to do).

When she visited me we had a great time and I told her I didn't want to be with anyone but her. I didn't get married simply to end up a statistic a few years later - I meant what I said to her when I took the vows. She has to live with the decisions that she made. Everything I told her when she asked I answered with the utmost equanimity and respect. I only told her because she was very eager to know, and she really pressed me. I have asked nothing of her sitch with the OM as per DBing doctrine.

Trust me, hearing these things from her is definitely an improvement on a few weeks ago, but I cannot in good conscience believe what she's saying when she's carrying on with this other fellow. It's her decision and there's nothing I can do about her, I can only lovingly detach and get to work on myself.

As it happens I have cancelled that date for Saturday

I apologize for the length of this reply. I haven't written anything like this to her because it's far too edgy - this is cathartic for me if nothing else. Everything I have written to her is validating, compassionate and non-judgemental; a complete 180 from my usual verbal venom.

I sincerely thank you chaps for your input.