This is what bothers me. Exactly when is your wife supposed to grow a conscience? Maybe she never will. Maybe her mental, moral and spiritual universe is so amorphous and self-centered that she may never come to grips with the concepts of accountability and responsibility. Maybe the best she can do is live by her impulses and feelings. Basically, "I'm OK, you're OK."
I wouldn't say she doesn't have one, I would say that she doesn't 'get' what responsibility means when dealing with another ADULT in a marriage. And plays the victim instead of feeling like she has any power of her own - until she breaks and then she is 'all powerful' over her life and her desires.
Still, I think about the good things she does and if it weren't for this 'blockage' she has when dealing with relationships with men she'd be pretty complete. I understand it comes from her childhood abuse but still, she is AWARE of it and doesn't get real help for it.
W has started going to the gym at 5:30 am now. This morning D17 had an anger outburst at me because I "wasn't helping her get the pets fed". She usually does this on her own anyway, but W is here and helps out or is at least PRESENT. D17 said "Why doesn't she move out NOW since she isn't here anyway!"
Not much I can say to that. I offered to help but she was done already and that wasn't her point anyway. She is just feeling the disconnect from mom.
On another note, W is aware the car payment is behind since they call us about it. She said on monday that she had money to pay it and I asked her to xfer $500 into the house account so I could pay online. I've also covered food bills the past few weeks so I mentioned it would be a way to reimburse me for that. She was pissy and said she would do that.
Asked tuesday night and she said that she did xfer the money.
Today, it is still not there. I already paid the bill under the assumption that she had xferred it. I don't understand why she had to lie. I wasn't pressuring her, and I am finding that I have to go out of my way to be very careful how I say things so I don't come across as either 'needy' or 'bossy'. But it doesn't matter because she is usually angry or defensive no matter WHAT I say.
She really doesn't understand the kind of pressure I'm under financially. I've been under this for so long I'm sort of used to it. JUST the mortgage is more money than her entire monthly income.
