Remember that failure is an event, never a person.
I tend to agree that staying in the house gives you a better chance long term. I know in different situations different solutions are called for. I tried to keep my H here as long as possible and when he moved he was planning to come "home" on the weekends and sleep in th same bed etc. I might could have even worked with that, but his position of wanting a D (and other relationships) had not changed. I am worth more than that, much more. Make no mistake though, that staying in the same house is hard. I did it for over a year (and would still be doing it if he was saying he was confused or just needed space (not other R's).
You can do this. I liked Dom's plan for talking about one topic and night and then civily. That sounds like a good plan. I have to say I agree also with what having a parent move out does to kids. It breaks my heart to see how it's changing our D's.
Grace, Nice to see you back again. We missed you last weekend. You are correct you are worth way more than that. I don't know how you keep your head about you, you have been thru so much and God bless your Daughters.
It's really bugging me that she is going to see her L to "get things going". I feel like I don't have a chance and once she files I am going to have a whole different attitude. I'm not having to much fun here. No arguments tonight but we were not around each other tonight. She was looking at prep schools and I was at soccer. I hate arguments!
Thanks for all your support. I am going tothe gym for a hrd workout to get this stress out.It is hard being in this house knowing she is going to the L this afternoon. I know I have no control and must start accepting this but it is very hard. Very lonely. I am seeing a Psyc but only once every three weeks. He basically says that I am in the middle of a Sh** storm and I have done nothing wrong. He asked if my marrage was a fairy tale marriage or miserable and i said it was pretty miserable for a while so he asked me to start thinking about what I was really losing if we broke up. He said to set some goals and timelines. I guess that is a way of saying to start to accept it and I have no control. My W said no more MC. Believe it or not I feel really bad for my W. This has to be a horrible decision that she is making and she is just not thinking properly about anything. I really feel bad for my kids. All I can do is sit and wait for the responce from her L. I have an awful feeling the OM/EA is pushing this and giving W some pressure but I will assume nothing. God bless and thank you for being there for me. I love my kids.
We just had a long somewhat productive talk. She bought up the R and I told her that I didn't want to go there but she continued. I found out that every problem in the world including world hunger, US deficit, Global warming are all because of me. It's amazing. She is in such a fog and can not get out of it. She said she was going to talk to her L today about "next steps" not to file but I don't know of any next steps except that. I think what she wants is a physical separation. Again I am assuming.
Boy this is hard! I have to pick myself up and get back together.
Goals are not set by people who "have no control"! You have some control, maybe not over what you want most, your M but you can control how you deal with this development and how you choose to live the rest of your life. Loving your kids means to feel your pain and move beyond it. Trust me BT, I've been there and know how to get through this sh!t (not saying I always succeeded but...) . The bible says when we are feeling really down the best thing to do is help someone else. Is there something you can do for someone else today? Follow Philippians 4:8 and fill your head with what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy and "think about such things". You can feel better BT, to choose otherwise is deadly in the DBing game! Let us know how things turn out today.
Tree all I can say is this. when she is there and spewing her crap at you just let your mind go somewere else. you will want to defend or lash out, but you cant. when she brings up the L just say you understand she feels she needs to do this, but you are still commited.
She had to cancel her L appt. because she had to drive one of the kids somewhere (work). Sounds like a lame excuse but reality. I wonder if i should see it as an open door and try to talk to her again? I think I may have gotten thru to her for the first time ever today, maybe just a little.
No way man. If you got through to her just a little today, let it sink in before you try to talk to her some more. Let her process. It'll feel to much like pushing otherwise, and will push her straight to the lawyer.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
