I have not posted in awhile, but I read daily. I still follow your situation closely because it is very similar to mine. Your H is similar to mine. Throughout all this BS he feels like your H feels and that is as long as he is still there for his kids he is not a bad dad and by no means as bad as his dad was. I used to feel like any good dad would not do this to his family, but now I just try and foster a positive relationship between my son and his father. In some ways leaving me has made him a better dad. He has S overnight 2x per week and he picks him up from school everyday. Before we seperated I could barely get him off the couch. I try to be thankful because I know some dads dissapear. It is going to be hard, but if you can, somehow muster up the courage and strength to let him keep the kids. It really is good for them. This may be a ways off, but it might be worth trying to figure out how to have a relationship with OW.
Let me just say that I let go about a month ago. My H was all about the business like your H was. I did get some signs, but then he would go right back to being an arse. Every week it would be a new and differnt bomb and I got I got tired. I got tired of the little hurts that pointed to him leaving.I got tired of questioning. I got tired of spinning my wheels. I finally realizd that this IS my life and I need to forge ahead for my son. From my experience I think that is the best thing that you can do. Start planning your life as a divorced wife. Don't do it for a reaction from H, really do it. Do what is going to work for you financially, but don't resist things because you are holding out hope. Since I have honestly let go and not for the sake of getting a reaction I have seen some changes in H. He told me he loved me for the first time in I don't know how long. He got me a card for V Day. He initiated a hug from me this past Friday and he already said he is getting me something for my birthday. I am NOT taking these things and running with them because nothing has changed with us, but it is interesting to see the change in his behavior. Also, he used to just drop son off. Now I am chasing him out
Your H is your H weather he is with you or OW. I try and keep that in mind. We have this fantasy that they are with OW and that they will be differnt and better. Not so. All the annoying crap you had to put up with so will she. I think about the next woman coming along and having to deal with my in-laws. I say good luck to her. All the stuff I could not stand someone else will have to contend with. I take small comfort in no longer having to deal with all the things that hurt me. Now someone else will have to deal with it. You deserve better. Even if better means being alone. As long as you are holding out for H in his present form it's like telling GOD you don't think you deserve more. Really and truly let it go and I honestly believe something will happen. Might be a new and better H, might be a new an better new man, but it will most certainly be a new and better JF.
