H is having affair after all

[Holly06]

TJ and I are still separated. We are "working" on a reconcilliation. Slowly, and surely. It is a courtship, one I deserve, and TJ seems to be enjoying too!

TJ left Feb 4, 2006. We were "separated". We were hopeful to work it out.

Nothing really bad happened, expect a MLC. He is pretty typical, and yet an individual in this life crisis.
So we agreed to divorce, THEN I found DB. Just by finding this, and exploring options, I understood that this was not over, if I did not want it over. I HAD to let him go GAL and take care of me, while having him begin the D process. I did read the book, found this website, and did some DB coaching. All very valuable.

I set the goal of TJ telling me, OK, let's try again, and then with coaching set smaller baby step goals. I saw a few very early signs that MAYBE this was tough for TJ too. Well, he found a new job 4 hours away, and he moved in July, and end of August he called and said that he had met someone, and that they were living together......

He dragged his feet on the divorce.

Well, I did want my marriage back, and I was hopeful. I became intune to myself, and began a closer relationship with God. I got many signs, that I was going to be OK and somehow I knew that TJ was not done with me yet.
My counselor confirmed this. (not DB coach, they don't go there, solution focused).....

I believe it takes great strength and love to do what I am doing, as you see all over the boards. I can not concern myself with people who judge me to be a doormat, or pathetic. THat is their problem, I know better.

Love is unconditional. I would love my girls with these huge faults and hurtful ways. Why is my H any different?

I feel enlightened, and if anyone cares to ask I will be happy to share with them.

I always felt hopeful.

I know I wanted to be happy again. With or without TJ. I wanted him in my life, but I grew to want, not NEED him for my happiness. I also knew I would be OK, and totally get that my happiness is my responsibility, and not hinging on TJ's ability to make me happy.
So I got a life, and planned to be OK without him, but knew we had a deeper connection.
It took time, but it is amazing how letting go, and becoming a wonderful independent woman attracts men, including my H.
A good read is Phil DeLuca's Solo Partner. Flip right to the chapter on pursuit and distancing. Truly, the heart of what is going on in your relationship.
You will GET it once you read.


Hugs and Cheers,

I will check in again, and I am truly here to help and support.
Ask anything. I am here.

Holly aka Hoooollly when I spin to long on the stripper pole.