Yesterday an old friend / colleague from NY called me because he was in L.A. with his family on their way to New Zealand. I had know he was going to be here so it wasn't a surprise.
We arranged to get together and I took my daughters with me, W stayed home and I didn't invite her. She was in a crappy mood anyway.
It was nice to talk about some of the old stuff, and he gave me some info on various other people I used to know.
But, there is one story he told me that stuck in my head.
I used to know a couple, Kurt and Brenda. He told me that Brenda died sometime in the past year. Now, she was a petite woman and was a Human Resources director and a big company. She was the 'strong' person in the marriage. Kurt was the quiet one, very grounded and a good man.
Apparently some years ago the company downsized and she had to arrange the termination of several executives, many of whom were her friends. As he told the story to me, she was devastated emotionally by all this and got into a depression and food was her 'medicine'. She put on a lot of weight and I guess eventually she wouldn't even leave the house. She died of a heart attack.
Kurt stayed with her through all this, tried to help and never abandoned her. Never thought he would find 'happiness' somewhere else or with someone else.
This was another 'reality check' for me. Another story of how a marriage is supposed to work, how couples stay together during the bad times, and how they support each other.
So, some day I'm going to make someone a good husband, a good partner. I'm getting a better perspective on marriage. It isn't based on me 'taking care of things, of her'. It's much different that I imagined and I'm entitled to that kind of relationship because, no matter what, I am a good and decent man. Even my W knows that is true.
And so do a lot of other people.
So yes, I'm not helpless. I'm able to do pretty much anything I choose to do. I just need to choose it.
