That's because to admit that you don't bear the whole burden is to wholly accept that YOU can't fix this, which you HAVE NOT yet accepted.
As soon as you admit in your heart, mind and spirit that you are powerless, Frank...as soon as you do that...you will turn a corner.
I'm still processing this.
I am interpreting it as:
1) I didn't 'crash' our life / financials by myself. 2) I carried the whole burden for my own emotional situation / anxiety / self esteem but she IS responsible for half of this, just like I am responsible for half. 3) I don't bear the burden for her current feelings / actions - she does. So, I can't do anything to 'fix it' because it's not my burden. Only she can 'fix' it. I can do nothing. 4) I'm powerless over her actions and feelings. I only have power over my own. 5) Finally, as you said, she is living a lie. Until she sees that is the case, she won't be healed or have any growth.
All that I can control is myself. I keep saying 'when she say this ... I feel bad / unhappy'. Well, that's my choice, to feel bad. I'm choosing not to any longer.
