well the wife stopped by today..

[ms ladybug]

I went back a bit through your past thread to pull out the things that you wrote that remind me of MYSELF:

Your wife wants to be persued. She wants you to make all the first moves. (me too. I have always been scared to make the first moves, esp in a sitch like this. Very scared of rejection, and I don't know why. I mean, this IS my husband for Christ's sake. Why am I afraid he'll reject me? I guess I've been there with him and been hurt?)

Your wife seems to not be the type to fully open up and put her heart out on the table. I won't do that either. She NEEDS to know that it's safe. Do you try to control or even "fix" everything when she opens up to you? If she comes to you with a problem, do you offer suggestions and then persist that she does what you suggested? (all I want is to vent sometimes, most times, but h HATES for me to vent without allowing him to tell me how to make it better. I often don't take his suggestions, and he gets angry.)

Your wife often takes everything you say and makes it the worst possible, negative way. (BIG TIME ME!! I totally relate to her feeling as if you told her she was fat and ugly because you asked her about going to the gym. In fact, I did exactly that. My h asked me for a long time to go to the gym with him. I resisted because I HATE gyms, but always took it that he thinks I need to lose weight. Now, he uses the PD gym so I can't go and I'm OK. But, I do read DEEPLY into EVERYTHING he says and try to see the worst. He even said exactly what you did about me "inventing my own reality" more than once.)

He also told me that I have a "victim mentality" more than once. Is that cop lingo?? Because, I've NEVER heard that term before the both of you used it. Please elaborate on "victim mentality"

I also thought my husband was always angry and he always said he's not angry, he's frustrated...I think you made a similar reference.

And, I'd DIE if my husband ever did the laundry.

There are some distinct differences. Your wife and I have VERY different love languages. Mine are words of affirmation and physical touch. WAY at the bottom are quality time and acts of service. I also do NOT think I'm a different person than when we got married. I DO think my husband is and that makes things VERY hard, because I want the old him back.

Oh, and I funny side note... I LOVE Jack Johnson and "sitting, wishing, waiting" is my most played song on my i-pod. Kinda funny.

Anyways, your wifes not a bad person. She's a hurt, passive-aggresive player. I hope I can help you.