I also feel the loss of my H as physical pain (I often think of it in terms of an amputation). My heart literally hurts. I guess this is a common experience for the LBS.
Like you, I beat myself up for not being able to GAL on a par with H's-- he's so much more educated than I (perhaps because while he was in school FOR 8 YEARS I was too busy supporting him to finish more than a BA), makes 3X + what I do, has a prestigious position whereas I have a crap public service job, has the opportunity to travel frequently to cool places, etc.
It takes time to carve out a separate identity for yourself when too much of your self-image derives from your R to your S. A friend of mine says I must be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome because I over-identify with the guy who's torturing me. Not a very DB analogy, but the point of it is I haven't detached yet.
I guess there's nothing for us to do but to fake it till we make it.
Congrats on making new connections! Way to GAL! Know you are a good person. Believe it. People wouldn't be telling you so if it weren't true.
