To "Piece" or not to "Piece....

[Jeanette1120]

He was orderded by the courts to continue paying as normal until the house was sold, this is part of the divorce stipulation. He has not taken any actions to help around the house PERIOD. He feels as long as he pays the bills the rest should happen naturally. Fine. I have no problem upkeeping the house and have been doing it for 2.5 years. I've stuck to my side, he does not stick to his. I was awarded permanent alimony which would ensue the first month after sale of marital home. Fine. I have a job, I keep myself going but do I need to get a second job to start paying for things that need repaired in our home? These are big ticket items and I don't want to even mention the water pump. Yes this sounds trivial and perhaps shallow, but this is what he wanted......for me to dig him out of the hole would not help him. I do not DIG the hole deeper but unless I SEE a more committed type response from him and not VICTIM playing then........

What, if anything, in your dealings with him causes you to trust that he will follow through with anything he has said?

NOTHING! Except that for the 2.5 years he has for the most part kept the payments up. That is the ONLY thing. Yes yes I appreciate it. But I am tired of my hands being "tied" as that house is the only thing that binds us. For the longest it was my HOPE that because he did not show interest in selling the house it meant he was wavering. I mean, what man in their right mind would pay 3500.00 per month to upkeep a home and their XWIFE? My alimony is lower. In this case it WOULD NOT be cheaper to keep her Now I think maybe he is just lazy. Hell.....I DON"T KNOW!

I should be looking for him to do these things without making a statement. But he doesn't. He's still blaming. This is where I tend to start overthinking and start analyzing. I start to question his motives. I am leary of his lies. He has given me nothing to trust him on. He is NOT with the OW anylonger. He lives alone.

What does Jeanette need to do, independent of Rich, to make her life secure?

Sell the house get my own place. My alimony will start. I will be totally independant of him.

However selling the house in this economy would be a huge financial loss for both of us and I struggle if that would be the right thing to do or not. He's kept the payments up this long I spose he can keep them up a bit longer without moving back in.

Both he and I would have to do something for the blaming to stop. Learn to focus on the future and not the past (thanks A!!) He abuses my good nature, he abuses my trust and my feelings.


After reading him "Forgivness is a Gift" and part of "Why must I be the one to Change" I ended the conversation. He mumbled something about his being BEST conversation we've had since he's left. WTF?? I've not said anything that I have not said before?

AAAAACCCCKKKK!

I'm confusing myself now

Even to protect ourselves physically or financially we may have to do something that hurts us emotionally and weighing the options takes time to sort out.

Exactly!!!!!