Broken Tree WAW- MLC

[Dom R]

Grace,

Good to hear from you again, thanks for stopping in. She wants me to move out and is talking to her L about it Thursday at 3PM. We are in limbo and it is not good for the kids.

No, there's no problem for the kids, with you personally feeling "in limbo" inside.
I'll tell you what is "not good for the kids"

1. The two of you having nasty arguments and generally being hostile in front of them

2. You living separately.

Of the two... the second, is the worst thing you can inflict upon them.

(because you personally, have control over #1. it takes two to have "a nasty argument". You can stop that yourself.
But once you (or W) is out of the house.. you are out, and it will hurt your children every day, whether you and their mother are doing better talking to each other or not)

I don't want to move out. The only thing she can do is get me excited and have the police remove me which seems to be what she is trying to do.

So.. dont flip out. dont play that game.
Be a man. take control of your emotions.
Worst case, step out of the house for 10 minutes... then come back.

Again she started a big argument this morning (no kids around). I can't seem to stay away from getting sucked into her big black hole. I simply asked her not to argue in front of the kids and she flipped and then went from subject to subject to subject.

I think you are setting your goals too low.
If your only goal is "dont argue in front of the kids", then you are implicitly saying that anything else is ok, so what she is doing to you is ok.

again; dont play that game.

repeating a sentance, for focus:

she flipped and then went from subject to subject to subject. I could not get a word in edge wise.

Sounds like she is arguing, just to argue and escalate angry feelings about you.
That being said... i think it's important to acknowlege at least some of the things she is ranting about.

You might try saying something like,
"I understand that you have issues with certain things. I would like the chance to address, and hopefully improve things, in the areas you are unhappy with. I can only deal with one thing at a time, though. So, please choose ONE thing to talk about for tonight, and let's talk about it, calmly".

If she starts ranting after that point.. say that you cant talk with her when she is ranting, and leave for 10 mins.
If she starts wandering to another topic to rant about, remind her that you agreed to stick to one topic for tonight, and you can talk about that other issue tomorrow.

If she just rants at you from the get-go and you dont get a chance to make the "one topic" proposal... then make the choice to talk "over her" (ie while she is talking), and announce that you cant discuss anything while she is ranting at you, and leave for 10 mins.

Basically.. she treats you the way she does, because you allow her to treat you that way.
Stop allowing it.
You may be surprised by the change in dynamics between you two, if you stand firm and do this.

Just so long as you dont "shut her out" completely, but make it clear that you DO wish to discuss her complaints.. as long as she is willing to discuss it with you in a two-way, civilized manner.


Other than that... i'd say just try to stay out of her way. not neccessarily "avoiding her", if she talks to you, etc... just finding somethin for you to do, that keeps you occupied in another room than where she would normally be.

So... that's my suggestions for you.