save a spot, will be here at some point

[kml]

H and I agreed on an amount that seemed fair to both of us for CS,

WHY would you agree on child support before you talk to a lawyer??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
You don;t even know what the schedules are or what would be normal in a case like yours.

As for the debt - you may be screwed, depends on your state, whose name is on the cards, etc., but in a lot of places, the fact that you weren't divorced and you took him back might make it yours too. Ask the lawyer.

We already agreed not to mentioned the debts at the mediator,

Why on earth wouldn't you mention the debts at the mediator? I would think the first thing he would want to know is what are your debts and assets????? Unless you think it's in your favor for the debts not to be brought up - but you would be better off getting H on the record as admitting those debts are his responsibility and he agreed to keep them.

Ellie

[Matilda2]

Sending hugs and warm thoughts your way! Stay strong!!!!! Don't be swayed by your H even though he may appear to be sweet and caring (i.e. Do as I say, not as I did!)

[cat03]

I will ask the L I'll be seeing today if it is to my benefit to bring up the debts, the one we are agreeing on have both our names (a few only mine but he doesnt' know that, although all those debts are from paying stuff for both of us)

I thought about bring ing the up the big debt, I wonder if when he goes to his own L they'll tell him it is joint, even though only his name is on it.

About CS, i will ask my L today as well, nothing is written down yet, I agreed verbally but if I find out today I"m shortchanging myself I will raise the amount. Thanks gals))))

[oldtimer]

Tell your L everything.

[cat03]

the L visit was the best thing I've done lately, thanks so much everyone for your encouragement, I dont' think I would've gone otherwise!

OT, she did say in court the court *might* make the big debt a joint debt..unless it can be proved (and it can) that those charges were about the ow, gambling, etc.

She gave me *great* input about the house and what to do about his name on it and how I can make it so I'm not tied up to him by the house 'til it sells, she calculated CS and its 230$ more than what H and I talked about. She told me that the difference in CS can be a bargaining chip to "pay off" H towards his share of the house, and that the best thing would be to pay him off in the near future, that way when the house sells I wont have to split 50/50 and give him the bonus of benefiting from the house going up in value and not paying towards mortgage (specially if I want to do improvements on the house, want to sell it, keep it, etc)

She was awesome, didn't push at all to sue, gave me so many choices and told me how it'd play in court *if we were to go to court*, that way I could compare what I'd be asking in mediation and how it would hold in court (also, if he goes to his own lawyer and they try to change his mind and mess up our agreement).

Over all, it'd still be fair to both of us, I'd stay in the house, he gets to pay what he can afford in CS while in a ways I'd be paying him towards his share of the house.

Phew! so glad I went today!!! it's actually an oxymoron though, this whole thing is about breaking up our home, but, if it has to happen at least I will not get shortchanged.

[oldtimer]

She sounds like a wonderful L, I'm so glad you went.

[cat03]

thanks OT for the valuable advice)))))))
Should i tell H now about what our options are (without telling him I got my facts through a L of course) so we can save time at the mediator or should I bring it up Friday at the meeting?

WIth some luck I'll have a realtor give me a free appraisal on the house tomorrow, there are so many nicer homes around mine which aren't selling. My home needs new windows, prob new AC soon, floors/carpet are a mess, so, let's see what i get (the house next to me has been vacant for about 1.5yr now, isn't selling, the price is high but still, havne't seen anyone coming to even look at it and it is pretty nice)

I was making some numbers just now, and minus the CS I'd be giving him (if it added up to 5yrs) I'd owe him about 20,000, which, if he agrees, the L said could be paid in a certain amount of time, so now I'm thinking how can i do that, I know refinancing or taking a second mortgage is putting more debt on me, but that's all I'd need to own the house by myself and have him walk away with his share. My brain is spewing out smoke from all the thinking, :P!

[princess_nic]

WIth some luck I'll have a realtor give me a free appraisal on the house tomorrow,

The only thing I would caution you about here is that a realtor will almost always quote higher than an appraiser b/c they look at what they want to sell it for, not necessarily market value. An appraiser from a bank will likely be a few hundred dollars. If you go to your bank and tell them you want a new mortgage, they may do it for free, and banks generally go low b/c they want to be sure that the collateral isn't overvalued (i.e. they'll get their money if you default).

So much to think about! Stay cool.

Nicola

[oldtimer]

Don't put your cards on the table, and don't start where you want to end up.

Listen to what H has to say, to the mediator.

Once you know the facts about the house, then figure out what you want. Then offer below that. You are not going to get a settlement until H feels like you are not getting what you want.

If I were you, I'd ask for the higher amount of child support that you are entitled to AND the house free and clear, with you putting in nothing.

Then, he will feel like it is a win if he gives you $75 less than that in child support and gets $10,000 from the house.

Our mediator (who got us nowhere) did say one very true thing: a settlement isn't fair until both parties feel screwed.

Nic makes great points about the appraisal -- don't go with a high one.

[cat03]

thanks gals! again, will sit down and rethink my strategy for tomorrow

Don't put your cards on the table, and don't start where you want to end up.

must remember this!

have not said anything yet to H thank heavens. Just spoke to the realtor who'll go see my house right now, wish I had more time to have the bank give me an appraisal, but based on the homes sold around my home (and on the dozens NOT selling) my home would get some equity, about the same the L I spoke to estimated for me yesterday.

For once I'm glad my house isn't looking good, with any luck the appraisal will be low, I know H couldnt' nor wouldn't put a cent towards making repairs because he is penniless right now and couldn't do the repairs himself.