You keep talking about chemistry. My H and I had it up until the very day we separated, even (especially?) between the bomb and the day he moved out, but now he's all about separating his physical feelings for me from his emotional feelings for me. My therapist thinks that's a mistake, but it's not for me to tell H what he does is a mistake.
Do you mean chemistry that you can't control? Or what?
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
"Chemistry" is hard to define as it is a feeling. My W and I are the type of couple that can sit down for hours and never run out of things to talk about. We enjoy a lot of similar interests and activities - tennis. We also have great sexual attraction.
If you have "Chemistry" there is a good chance your H will come back.
One of my husband's issues is that we don't have a lot in common and for months before the bomb, we didn't have much to say to each other. He was saying all the other stuff to the OW in his EA. She defended herself saying that their conversations were limited to travel, food and life's general up and downs and that left me thinking, "Hey, he's supposed to be saying this stuff to me like he used to... " As for similar activities, he had pretty much stopped doing everything but marathon train and work. The things we used to do, hike, camp, volunteer, politics, etc. just weren't interesting to him anymore.
Will just have to wait and see, I guess.
Thanks for replying, I appreciate it and am very genuinely happy for you and Mrs Fish.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Well the singles life is definitely over for the Fish. It's 8:12 on a Saturday night and I am home taking care of my daughter. She has a bad headache, fever and a little congestion. W is on the way home from a business trip and she is also sick.
I will probably be in bed by 10. Long way from a few weeks ago when I was partying and playing poker until 4AM. That's ok... this is the best! I am so happy to be posting to this forum from my home.
W and I seem to be getting along well. Some small ups and downs, but it's all good. We went through a VERY brief second honeymoon phase, but that passed quickly. Hopefully that will come back, man that's a lot of fun.
As some of you know, after I left my house I have had basically no contact with other couples/friends from town. People have been runnning into me and saying... "My god, Fish, where have you been?".. I say.."Great seeing you. Can't really talk about the past 6 months. They say... "Wow.. stop by for a drink and let's talk."
It's a blast!!
Here are the rumors on my whereabouts during the past 6 months...
Witness Protection Program International Business Assignment Dropped out of life and headed for Maui Prison
It's good to be home...
Any advice on piecing will be greatly appreciated. For some reason I have this awful insecure feeling that W will drop a bomb at any moment. I guess I'm just paranoid or damaged from the past. She seems to be pretty happy right now and said today that the changes I have made are apparent to her.
I guess I'll be DBing for life!
Also... I survived the 1st week home. Gave W A LOT OF SPACE! Did a bit too much texting and backslid a little on Weds night, but so far so good. Avoiding R talk at all costs!!! Nothing good will come from that sh*t. Just accepting that fact that I have taken a quantum leap in a very short amount of time and we should take a breath right now and enjoy life. No steps forward, no steps back. Just sit still Fishy boy, be patient and let nature take it's course.
I sure do say "No Problem" a hell of a lot more than I used to.
Since W is real busy right now, the original plan was for me to move back in the house in April. But things got a bit hot and heavy (2nd honeymoon), so we both agreed to me moving back home in March (2 weeks early - no big deal).
Since W agreed to the early move in.. I am playing it real cool. No pressure, no demands, a bit too much texting on my part (very excited to be home, all positive sh*t) and giving her a ton of space.
This is the hardest fu*king thing I have ever done in my life.
As each day passes, I put this further behind in my rear view mirror.
Congratulations on moving back home, and being a great partner and father! You are right, when you can appreciate the subtleties of family life, it is a lot more fun than carrousing. I highly recommend that you and your wife sign up for a Retrouvaille weekend near you. Check the website, http://www.helpourmarriage.org. The weekend will be a great way to put the past behind you and start out your new married life on a good solid base. They teach you both communication skills so you can stop avoiding the dreaded relationship talk. Instead it becomes a richly rewarding topic. It makes communication between the spouses a warm, intimate occasion. A Retrouvaille weekend changed my marriage 100% for the better. It can do the same for you. And I do know what you are talking about, feeling like you are waiting for another bomb to drop. I felt that way for a long time after we reconciled. But with time, and understanding, it does go away.
