Just an update. W called this AM and wanted to talk. I stopped by to see her and she was pretty steely. Started talking about mediation.
I asked if it was what she really wanted. She said she had told me what she wanted and I didn't find that acceptable. I said that was true because her request passed my ethical and moral boundaries. She said not to condemn her. Then she said regardless it'd be 6 months before things were final - that was kind of rubbing things in!
More talk, pretty cerebral. I said I needed time to let go and she said she understood. Then she said that she didn't see a future with me and after I had said we should go forward with a D, she'd felt relieved and good. So I told her we should go ahead and proceed then. But that I still needed a little time before starting. She asked if I preferred she not contact me, but since she only wanted to call about household stuff, I said that was okay.
Feel pretty sh*tty, but am coming to terms with the state of things. It's hard because I look at other people's sitches on this board and it makes me really want to have hope. But my W is so shut down that I think I'm just beating myself up by thinking I'm not DBing good enough. I need to concentrate more on myself and let go completely.
