I'm noticing that I am increasingly down, anxious, sad. I'm finding it difficult again to concentrate. Realizing that this probably has a lot to do with my recent focus on what H is up to - where is he, what is he spending money on, why did he need $3000 from his credit account, why doesn't he check-in with me occasionally or tell me when he is off on vacation, is he lying in fact or by omission, etc. Duh - he is not engaging me at all and still I am obsessed by what is or is not going on with him. I am as controlled by his absence as I would be if he were in the home throwing all of this in my face. I can't be ok with me while I am fixated on him. Easier to say than act upon, but I do know that the best thing is to focus on me. . . .

me: 47
H: 48
he has 2 grown sons
M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd)
hit iceberg 6/07
S 9/26/07
before
now