It's hard to get out of the continuous loop of wondering what he's thinking. Guess what? It's none of your business. The more time he has to stew in his own juices, his own thoughts, the more he is forced to see what his reality is. Easier said than done.
As a reforming "looper" life is much easier. He doesn't want to tell me where he's living, his choice. I can't control him, don't want to. I DO want him to have the time to be in his skin. So, hello, I remove myself from the picture.
At first it was very hard. Every email or text sent me into tears. I'd wail, who would write such a note. When I'd go back and look at it or a friend would read it, I'd see it was very polite and informative, just no longer personal.
Over time he's started contacting me more frequently. The fact that I haven't heard my cellphone ring (hence missing calls) and not being home (GAL) has helped. Where I was once in abject misery, now I see him including me slightly, sharing his plans with me about visiting the kids.
Maybe it's because I'm having trouble working on all the financial info and he needs my cooperation. Or maybe the day to day routine of separation galloping to divorce has calmed him down. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. It is just changing because I am changing.
He's not the center of my universe anymore, nor should he have been.
