To "Piece" or not to "Piece....

[Jeanette1120]

Goodmorning!

I'm kinda struggling here.....things are getting more and more complicated in my sitch.

The water was turned off again on Monday. For me it was the straw that broke the camels back. I'd had enough of his "conrolling, financial & mental abuse". I sent Rich a "Strictly Business" email detailing to him exactly how he is acting outside the law concerning our divorce decree. I held nothing back. He actions say to me that he is above the law and can do as he pleases. It was a very non emotions strictly business email that basically said, if you do not respond to this email with a "workable" plan by Friday, I will file a "Motion To Show Cause" along with a "Motion for Temporary Alimony".

I'm tired of living this way. Enough is enough. I've found my peace and am ready to move along.

I followed it up with a text yesterday. Please check your email. An hour later he sent a response. In class in Kansas City will call you tonight. Yes, he told me he was going on a training mission.

He calls....he said he has not been able to get on the internet but should by tomorrow. Ick....so I read the emails to him. It wasn't so hard as everything I said was strictly business and true.

This began him saying how he does not have access to the house.....as we live in a gated community and he doesn't have a "Clicker" to get in the gate. I reminded him that he can go to the association and get a clicker anytime he chooses to. Not my fault he is too lazy to do that. As far as him having a key to the house. No.

It was a 45 minute conversation of....sometimes raised voices, some laughing, lots and lots of blaming. I asked him several times to not go back in the past as it's just the past. So he would then say.....but thats why I left you. Ok...so I flirted with a bartender one night. He had already told me several times he didn't love me and was leaving....so to make him happy as his friend Teddie had called several times while we were at dinner I told Rich to lets just go meet Teddie and his then girlfriend so he could play pool. I was sitting at the bar while waiting for him to make my drink, both myself and Teddies girlfriend were there....she left to go sing a karaoke song, I stayed and chatted. No biggie. I am NICE! Besides...Rich had already tossed me to the curb so why should he care if I smile and talk with a man???

I had a really hard time during our conversation zipping the lips he made sure to tell me that it was another reason why he left me.

Finally near the end I had to say Rich....everything your telling me all happened AFTER you said you wanted out. You've not mentioned one single thing that happened before. Do you not think I was hurting??? Looking for attention??? Of course I was seeking attention the wrong way....because if I really wanted to save my marriage I would have become a meek little woman.....whatever. I'm not a meek little woman. At all.

So I was acting out and showing my ass, I was hurt, lonely and scared. I wanted him to see that I was capable of making it without him. I admitted to him that this is why that happened. Now keep in mind I have said that to him so so many times before. But this time he said AH HA! So you do admit that you were flirting!?!? THATS WHY I LEFT!

Then began the inlaw debate. His mother has been horrid to me. Simply horrid. He went back to the time his mother staked out our house and followed me, nearly ran me off the road and accused me of having a secret affair with her 80 year old non english speaking boyfriend She called me a bitch, she said her son deserved better and that he should have left me long ago...she called my family white trash. We are far from white trash. She's met my parents twice. Rich said did you or did you not have an argument with my mother? I said NO, she stalked me and I defended. She's mental she's sniffs her 80 year old boyfriends underwear to see if he's sleeping with other MEN Ewww. Rich laughed at that as it is true.

There was alot of mud-slinging on both our parts.

I told Rich that I don't want to hear about the past anylonger. WE both were to blame. WE both didn't listen to each other. (Oh yea...he said he left me cuz I didn't listen either) I then said I'd had enough that if this is how things are going to go I want no part of it. He said he didn't see any other way as this is what stays in his mind, yes he misses me/us, yes he did love me, yes he would like to live happily but he can't get the above noted infractions out of his mind.

At that point I had to read to him the "Forgivness" article. That he doesn't need to forgive me, he needs to forgive himself, me and everything that goes along with it or else he is going to be a troubled man the rest of his life no matter who he ends up with.

We then talked about the house.....I'm not sure whats going to happen with it. He's so friggen indecisive! LOL....i had to tell him that the hardest decision is deciding to make a decision. ARGH!

Now comes the "I uhm, don't want to come by the house because I am respecting your privacy", you are seeing someone right"? he had to say that several times before I would answer. Finally I said he could come by anytime just call. If I am seeing someone I will introduce you to him. We are adults, you did divorce me, it has been 2.5 years. He was so quiet.

I'm not sure how to deal with things now. He does want to come home, BUT he has not let go of anything. He doesn't want to acknowledge any of the pain he put me through. None of it. As far as he is concerned it was all my fault. His families disrespect & cruelty to me had nothing to do with it. His dropping the bomb on me, and me getting a life was disrespectul to him. Every reason he gave as to why he left came AFTER he dropped the bomb. None of it was before.

I am happy now. I have a life without him.

He is supposed to call again tonight. Perhaps this will be a good time for HIM to admit to his shortcomings instead of pointing out mine and blaming me for everything. I cannot and will not go back to the way things USED to be. There is too much water under the bridge and if it's not addressed things will only stay the same.

I have a sneaking suspicion that he may move back into the house as he is struggling supporting himself. It will be hard if that happens but I can deal. It will be business only.

I listened, I validated....I even said I'm sorry you feel that way in the beginning but when the blame was being constantly put on me....db'ing went right out the window as I am already divorced.

Help! How can I do this if he still walks in the past??

Sigh. Why do they come back when we've reached our peace?

Hugs,

Jeanette