so my W stopped bty today and anounced she wanted to pick some stuff up. then she took 4the next 15 min picking throught the house for stuff like cooking oil and canned goods. this should not have bothered me but it did. its like if you move out, even though i want you to come back, this isn't a food pantry you can rummage through and then leave. well then she looked through every frifggin room of the house. she commented the plants looked nice and the dishes were alll done, but she THEN didnt srtop till she found something wrong. stated she thought ther floor around the toilet could use a good scrubing...YOU DONT LIVE HERE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. man that sucked the only good thing is she does want to spend three days togerther. but this will be boobietraped as she wants to get drunk. i am worried things might get daid that wouldn't if we were sober. both good and bad things. but when i brought this up she totaly blew me off. she then brought up mabey instead of going out of town we should go to Vegas. come on people dont go to Vega to work on a marrage.
I don't know that I think the drinking together or Vegas are good ideas. Haveing a couple of drinks is ok, IF you're stong enough to 1. keep your lip zipped and listen. 2. Tell her you're not going to talk with her if she starts to spew. In all honesty, I can take spew for a bit and it lets me validate stuff. That doesn't mean for long periods though and the only reason I can listen at all is my H doesn't let his anger out in constructive ways, so if he's talking (to a point) I'm listening.
well is seems she is dead set on going to our old collage town. so im makeing a list and getting things set up to keep us away from the bar district. it sucks because i was a head bouncer at the biggest bar in town so i made a lot of contacts through the years. many of the bar ownwers in town and i are on a first name basis and actualy we exchange Christmas cards. my W used to cook dinners for a lot of these guys. so she wants to see them all. but shots get bought and drinks get poured. and im afraid if i DO say something if she does do something taht hurst me, i will be doing nothing but validating her feelings about how much she has grown with out me. so im sctualy planing a play at one of the collages and the B&B we are staying at has couch rided throught the park. so here goes nothing
so heres a question, is anger a normel part of all of this? for the last couple of days i have woke up and been realy angry with my wife. i got married for a reason, and this wasent it. I have shown my W changes in me that were painfull to do and some that were easy, but they were changes geared to makeing both myself and the marrage better. all she has done is worked on herself. i am worth something besided as a object to bash on verbely and then enjoy when she sees fit. i dont know today is hard. i got hit on last night by a very attractive woman. i HATE the fact that the woman i love is nothing like the woman i married. i realise my faults, but she kind of rubs my nose in them. when she was over on sunday and i told her i was wrong she kept going " wait what was that.... i didn't hear that so well what did you say" i took it as hjokeing at the time but now im just a little resentfull. im not a bad person and im tired of being treated that way
Anger was/is actually my favorite emotion in all this. Yes, completely normal. I find it easier to function while angry rather than hurting.
Oh, I can TOTALLY relate to her not being the woman you married. I say that ALL the time. I want my HUSBAND back. Not the one I see now (who looks a lot like him), but the one I MARRIED.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
i am just a little worried. as my friend put it its like im a cat in a cornner. you hit it enough it will lash back. i want my marrage to work but i am getting bashed every time either agressivly or now this passive " im just kidding" bashing. in a way it hurts more because she tell me its just a joke so i cant get mad, and besides if i get mad i will just be plasying into her steryotyp of me anywya. io cant win right now. with this 3 day weekend together coming up i am nervious as hell. ST P day involves drinking and i dont want her...or myself...to say ANYTHING that wouldn't be said if we were sober.
Marcum, If you weren't in Wisconsin, I'd swear you were my husband. Not the nasty things about my husband, but just some characteristics I've picked up on...and the whole cop thing as well. ...And, I think I'm a bit like your wife as well. She doesn't play fair and is a bit (OK, a lot) passive-aggresive. I've actually seen myself in a lot of your past threads about her... And, if I were to spend a weekend away with my husband, I'd push for drinking too...in order to take advantage of him later on.
Don't hate me now. But, also don't think everything she does and says is meant to hurt or said out of ill-will. I think I have some insight into this.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
ya know whats REALY funny. My W loves ladeybugs. she collects everything ladeybug! she has a ladey bug blanket she sleeps with! Says it reminds her of her grandma. could you send me a PM so i could e-mailya? i am looking for ANY helpfull info i can get and also if you have any questions on how a cop might me thinking I can help as well, What carectoristics to you see in me that reminds you of your H ( is he a bad speller as well)
ok so if the community here has any good ideas for 2 late 20 somethings to do for three days let me know. also this new anger to my sich realy is starting to scare me a little. i find myself kind of loosing interest in my wife and thats not right. i realise this but im so numb inside. mabey this is my body defending itself.
