I was just looking at her calendar to see what sporting events looked like for this week and noticed she has an appointment with her L on Thursday at 3PM.
I welcome this. This was a feeling I was not expecting. I am sure they will discuss separation agreement and child visitation. It will be interesting to see what they are looking for. This is at least movement and not living in limbo. I was getting sick of limbo.
I keep getting dragged into her deep black hole. All she wants to do is be snutty and argue. I can't handle it anymore. It is starting to effect my lovely kids.
I kinda can't wait til she see's her L on Thursday to see what the outcome is and what they are looking for. I am sure she will be going for my back teeth. This blows.
I think I am falling out of love with her. This is what she wants.
If it is what she wants, then there's little or nothing you can do to stop her. It sounds like you are working your way there, too. Are you, or are you just telling yourself that to try to soothe the pain? If the latter, then try to move into the pain and stay there for as long as necessary. It will hurt, but I'm convinced it's the only way to heal in the long run. Trying to run from your pain too soon will only catch up with you in the long run. Do the work now.
But, if you truly do want a D, then by all means go for it. She's being nasty, and that's hard to take after a while. We keep hoping they'll change, but maybe they don't. Maybe the lesson in all this is to surrender the idea of hoping for change and learning to see what really is.
Thinking of you in this tough time. Its OK to feel like you want to move on - its probably part of the process, and from my experience you will cycle through wanting it to be over, and wanting to make it work many times.
I think you will have a new and different perspective when and if you separate too. I guess I'm just saying its normal to feel up and down, black and white, but give it time. With time you will be able to separate the emotions away and make a clearer decision.
I think true love is giving someone the space to be who they really are. Not trying to change them, just really accepting them as they are. You deserve to be loved like that, and your wife deserves to be loved like that too. And then once you realise you cant change them you get to choose if you want to stay married to them.
Its also possible that whatever issues your wife is facing, and the unhappiness she is dealing with, is clouding her true self, and given the time and space she will have the freedom to express her true self again (and hopefully that is a similar person to th e one you fell in love with).
Dont fear separation. Sometimes both parties really have to experience what they stand to loose, before they can both commit again.
I'm really sorry that she is treating you the way she is.....
Thanks for your toughts Essie. Again she started a big argument this morning. I can't seem to stay away from getting sucked into her big black hole. I simply asked her not to argue in front of the kids and she flipped and then went from subject to subject to subject. I could not get a word in edge wise. So I left the house. I do fear separation only because of the kids and I know once we tell the kids and I move out that will be it. She is also pitting the kids against me. I don't know what I did to make her look at me with such discuss. There is no talking to her, she does not hear a word I say.
I am very upset this morning. Thanks for your support.
So sorry to hear about the latest developments. Hard on you, hard on the kids, and just maybe hard on your W too.
I have heard some angry remarks and a venemous tone of voice from my W too, and it's easy to lock in on that and resent her for it. I did. At the same time, you handled it right in detaching from getting sucked in. I finally started doing that, and it was good for my well-being.
However, I have become convinced that under the anger is a person, at least in my case, who is in a lot of pain. Others on these boards report the same sense that their MLC spouse is really in a world of hurt. That has helped me have empathy even as I remain angry with her for not talking with me or showing any willingness to work on our R. It's tough to have empathy at someone who treats us like this. We deserve better, no matter what faults we may have in causing problems in our marriage. Still, I have come to see (at least most days) that empathy is worth cultivating on our road to being better people. Our spouses may never see that empathy, but that is their choice and their loss. Take that empathy with you wherever you go in life, and use it to understand your kids, coworkers, friends, family, future spouse, etc. This may be one of the lessons we learn, part of how we grow through this mess. There has to be some growth for us. We may lose our marriages, but we should try to gain something for ourselves out of all of this.
W told me last night that she was going to see L Thursday to "Get things going and to see what her options are".
I am in a lot of pain today and don't know what to do. I quess this means she is fileing and getting ready for separation. I told her I was not leaving the house and she said she was not either. Could be a dog fight, I hope not.
