I want to thank you for what you said in my thread. I truly appreciate it. I try to consider everyone's advice and suggestions. I try to be friends with everyone that visits me on my thread, whether I agree with them or not......I think it should be left up to me. However, I went down this same road with (name withheld) several months ago and he is still saying the same thing. and in the beginning he really pushed too hard. He would often ask questions that I had to stop and think over before I responded. If I had to wait to think about how to answer one of his questions, he got very impatient with me. Anyway, I've had it. I think he is tired of me and is ready to chose another "victim" to rescue.
Anyway, enough of that, let's get to your stitch.
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When we were reconciling last time W still avoided contact with me at night time. In fact in that period between the 2 A's I think we only ML twice, but I must have begged a thousand times. The negative thought that comes into my head (cos I must process it) is that she never really let go of OM until now, so for 2 years we were just going through the motions of reconciling. (Sigh).
I think it is very hard for a W to go directly from one man's bed to her H's. Grant it there are exceptions! I feel that your W knew what was the right thing to do, so she did it....both times, after the A's. But, she is struggling with her feelings catching up with her actions. I agree that she may still be trying to get over the OM. I know that must be so hard for the LBS to accept. I wished it were not that way. From what I have read, when the W & OM have a big fight and she finally sees what she left for him....the story could be different. However, I gather from most of what I've read here on the board that it take time to get through that grieving process and it is very hard for her to have sex with you right now.
To you, you think, "If she loves me, why would it be hard to have sex with me?" But, we females are just wired differently from the male and that is one reason for all these post here on the board. I would like to give you a hint here about us women.....don't "beg" for the sex. It has a "turn-off" affect on us.
I hope you can give her that closeness she needs and the laughter....that is a wonderful thing if you can do that. I truly believe that it will lead to the intimacy that you crave. You two have come a long ways. So, just keep hanging in here.
Thanks for being my friend Lan.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
