Thanks Woog. I don't know how to explain it, it isn't so much about my mood. It is more that I just don't get how he can say she doesn't make him happy but then he contacts her all the time?? That he can say I am important to him but I don't rate the same amount of "cellular attention" Anyway again don't know the right way to say it, it isn't so much that it wrecks my mood as it is that when I think about whether H really means what he says about wanting back, I don't know why he doesn't "pursue" me like he did/does her. Granted that is a totally unhealthy relationship so maybe I shouldn't aim for the type of contact they have/had....I know in the DB books they see pursuing as a negative but in my case I would enjoy a little of it....
Lizzy thanks for your advice too. I agree, if H really wants back I will know it. In college whenever we took "a break", H would eventually come around/call and say he wanted us to be "us" again. It will take more than words this time, but if he wants it he will let me know, he is a big, capable boy and I need to remember that...
Also, H just called. The kids were kissing his picture goodnight (sweet/sad!) and asking for him. So we called his cell but got VM. Both kids said good night and love you and then I hung it up. Anyway that was an hour ago. H called 15 min. ago, both kids were asleep. He and I talked about my potential new job, his new truck, my foot situation (going to orthopedic doctor next week), Nate's day at school, just normal stuff. At the end I said don't know if kids will get to talk to you tomorrow night either, since we have church and it doesn't let out till 8:30, they may fall asleep in the car. He said, "Just call me". I said, "Yeah, we can do that. We tried to tonight." H acted totally amazed, said there were no messages on his cell phone...H took his parents on a drive in his new truck to visit his friend Nathan. Nathan lives in the middle of nowhere rural Iowa so there is no cell reception. Guess H didn't get the message yet. So anyway I said, "Oh, I figured you already got their message. You can listen to it later then." He sounded glad about that.
Anyway that meant he called to talk to me not knowing the kids had called him. Thought maybe he was returning our call but guess not. Don't know where it fits into my tough love to have friendly conversations w/H, but I did. No ILY, no R talk WHATSOEVER. It is no longer my reponsibility to bring it up, if he wants it he'll do it. So I figure no harm done just chatting w/him, since he is clear it can't be more than that at this point. (Hope that made sense) If any of you pros think I shouldn't have chit chat w/H, let me know. I know in some places it says ONLY engage in convo. re. kids, but I also kind of want him to know I am getting along just fine w/him gone....And at this point I actually am!
Going to work this week on just living my life, getting the house clean and closer to ready to sell. Thought we'd have less laundry w/out H here but I have 2 more loads to fold tonight...lifestyles of the exciting housewives If I can truly keep up knowing that H is the one who needs to get it together and I need to just keep on keepin on it should lower my stress level for sure!!
Anyway again don't know the right way to say it, it isn't so much that it wrecks my mood as it is that when I think about whether H really means what he says about wanting back, I don't know why he doesn't "pursue" me like he did/does her. Granted that is a totally unhealthy relationship so maybe I shouldn't aim for the type of contact they have/had....I know in the DB books they see pursuing as a negative but in my case I would enjoy a little of it....
