If it is what she wants, then there's little or nothing you can do to stop her. It sounds like you are working your way there, too. Are you, or are you just telling yourself that to try to soothe the pain? If the latter, then try to move into the pain and stay there for as long as necessary. It will hurt, but I'm convinced it's the only way to heal in the long run. Trying to run from your pain too soon will only catch up with you in the long run. Do the work now.
But, if you truly do want a D, then by all means go for it. She's being nasty, and that's hard to take after a while. We keep hoping they'll change, but maybe they don't. Maybe the lesson in all this is to surrender the idea of hoping for change and learning to see what really is.
