2nd Post: My H just returned for a second time

[fooled again]

Tipper,

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this again. Remember that what is going on w/ your H is not about you or your life together. He is a mess, he is depressed and is likely self medicating using alcohol and the OW. He has nothing to give you right now, and will continue to take more from you than you have to give.

I of all people know how difficult it is to detach. In fact every day I have to talk to myself, remind myself that I have to take care of me first, my D second. My H has to take care of himself and find his way through his MLC and depression. I can't help him until he has reached the point where he wants or needs my help, or someone's help. It has been over 3 yrs since this began for him, over 2 yrs since he began his A, and over one yr since he moved out. Only in the past few months have I heard him start to say things that show he is working on "figuring things out". But always the "figuring out" involves some time with me, and alot of time away from me.

I can understand how scared you are, scared of losing something you thought you would have forever. But fear of losing something is not a very good way to live your life - I know this b/c I lived in fear for over a year, and it ate me up inside. I suggest that you step completely back from your H, your M and place the burden of both down on the ground. Be selfish and do everything you can to take care of yourself.

As always, you're in my thoughts. ((((Hug))))

FA