It all began last Sat. I asked h to watch the kids for a couple hours while I went to a baby shower. He was his usual cold, grumpy self when he came over and I quickly left. I got home and D4 asked to go on a bike ride. So, I said sure, "After your bike ride, we'll go to Costco." H was still there and said, "Why don't we go to Costco first?" WE?? Ok. I went along with it and we ALL went to Costco. We still have a joint account, so we both bought some things we needed. It was a semi-pleasant trip. When we got home, H said he needed to hurry because he was meeting his friends to go hunting. So, I said, "no worries. I'll bring in the groceries myself, just be sure to get the things you need from them."
His reply..."I was thinking. If we're going to work on our marriage, I think I should move back home. It just makes sense to live together while trying to make things work."
Work on our marriage?? Umm, I filed for divorce last week. HE didn't want to work on our marriage until I filed!! NOW, he's saying he's willing to do ANYTHING to save our marriage. INCLUDING, going back to church with me, going to MC with me, and of course, no more calling ex-gf's.
I'm a bit floored now! I have no idea how to handle this. I think I got to the point in my life that I was OK without him, and in fact I was able to look ahead and see a happy life. Now, he wants back home?? I told him I would have to see MAJOR changes before I'd feel OK about that. He told me that I need to not live in the past (well, the past IS only a week old), and to try to look ahead. He also told me that it's like a junkie...they say they'll quit, but most often they relapse, and it takes time. But, I need to trust that things will be better and give it a fighting chance.
I know in my heart that THIS would be God's will. For us to NOT divorce...it's just not MY will right now. So, I need to trust God.
I'm so confused...
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
INCLUDING, going back to church with me, going to MC with me, and of course, no more calling ex-gf's.
THIS needs to happen first, do not let him in too fast, that was my mistake 2yrs ago, my H came back for the wrong reasons and things are now the way they are.
It's way to soon, yes, there IS such a thing as moving back too soon! it is dangerous. I know your heart aches to have him back, but to save you from bigger heartaches, from going back to same ol same ol' you must see some changes first!!!!
BE CAREFUL and patient. Tell him that you very much want to work things out but that you only have the past few months to look from (the anger, the gf, etc etc), that you need to see his changes first.
Fist things first, schedule a MC this week, and see what he's all about.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Oh, and one more thing... In my last thread I made a comment about a massage gift cert that was purchased on V-day that I noticed on our bank statement, while I got NOTHING for V-day. Last weekend, H tells me, "I want you to have something. It's your Valentine's Day present." He hands me the gift cert.
So, I was wrong. It wasn't bought for the OW. Not that that excuses anything, but it did make me feel a little better.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I KNOW him moving back too soon is dangerous and it scares me. Honestly, I can't go through this crap again.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
then tell him that he needs to make the commitmernts mentioned above before he can move in. If your that scared then yes he needs to meet ya that far to prove this isent another half-a$$ attempt. if he gets mad let him. he realy needs to make efforts here. otherwise your just getting strung along at his whim. But if he truley wants to make it work then yeas he has to attemp to be fair and allow you to set boundries .
THIS IS AWESOME NEWS!!!!! MSLB I AM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.
Ok.. you need to play it very cool. He could turn the other way at any moment. The divorce filing was a wake up call that brought him out of the fog. By the way, it means nothing! With your permission, your lawyer can have the case dismissed ASAP.
Give the guy a chance, but do not let him move back in yet...
Tell him that you are thrilled that he is open to reconciliation, but you need to take baby steps. You want to ensure that when he does arrive home you maximize your chances for success. It would be devastating to the kids for him to come home and then leave again.
So... time to have some fun and start dating.
Go out to dinner, go to a movie, take a walk in the park, do some fun things with the kids, start enjoying life together as a family and his move back home will happen naturally.
Based upon the above, your H sounds like a good guy. He is willing to make changes, give the man a chance.
fish what do you do when you W wont go to individual C? even our MC says she shoulg go alone when i have my solo C but the C says she dosent want to push it for fear my W would take it wrong.
