Actually, I really don't want to have a R convo with H right now...
However, 24 hours ago, i was in the process of getting myself worked up to the point of pushing for that very convo due to a temporary downward spiral of panic and fear, based on:
- H strongly encouraging that S18 and I visit an additional college during a visit to a top choice in April, because "it's not clear we can afford top choices" (which is true, but not something he'd broached before) - H seeming less enthusiastic about a family trip to Europe beginning of summer, more concerned about cost - knowing that H is back to having quite a bit of positive contact with OW (my snooping his voicemail at work which confirmed that he had, indeed, run to Borders' on Sunday to get a book, and then zipped by her house for a quick visit), and related to that, H's desire to get a cellphone (yes, we really are the family Luddite!! I have an ancient one; H hasn't had one for about 4 years). We are getting a family plan, and one of the things i've realized is that now all I have to do is look at our bill to see if he's using that phone to contact her...yuck. - So starting to feel that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and have spinning in my head: "what if he decides to leave now, we won't be able to contribute anything to tuition, we'll have to tell S18 he can't go to any of the schools he's really interested in. With the new cellphone set up, will H realize now that I know a lot about his R with OW? How will that play out, etc.,etc.,etc....." Spin, spin, spin!!
I had a really lousy night of sleep again last night, but by this morning had gotten to the point of realizing that I was giving away all my power (don't i remember this being an important concept for Theoden?) by letting this get me spinning. So I have been able to pull myself back together again today, after doing some serious yelling at H (in absentia) on my morning drive to work!
I think what I probably will do this weekend is just have the figures pulled together that give us a general idea of our financial situation re: college, under the assumption (since there is nothing indicated to me otherwise at this point) that we are continuing as we are now...
Wow! this ran way long... hope you hung in there!!
L2
P.S. Oh, and by the way root, indirectly fishing certainly used to be my main method of non-discussion/non-confrontation about things in general! I'm getting much better at just letting things be now, and if necessary, try hard to be more direct in my interactions!
