Helloooo...Smoother Ride....Where Are You?? - Pt.2

[fightingirish]

hi Sue,

Trying to catch up on your stitch.. boy when your away lots happens and its hard to read everything.

I think you are doing great. Sorry about the little one. I hate when they are sick, also having to deal with it by yourself and then having to get up and go to work is stressful in itself.

Your H is like two personalities.. leading a double life. I don't know how anyone can operate like that. It will come back and bite him in the butt though, mark my words..

You are very strong, and are getting stronger every day. You've changed so so much compared to when you first came here!

(((hugs)))

tal

[JoieDeVivre]

Sue,
Hope you feel better today. Too often we try to hold back tears, thinking they make us look weak or pitiful, but the truth is, crying is a great way to help with those overflowing emotions and stress. I think your H needs to see/hear you cry. He can't go his happy way and not know what this has done to you!

On one end of the spectrum here we have Karen, who's H has been 100% direct about wanting a D, going out with OW, etc. Then on the other end, there is your H, who is still trying to keep things hidden and under the table. Neither sitch is easy, but I think yours has to be worse of 2 evils.

I know you've mentioned it before, but when is the lease on your current place? Have you talked to your H anymore about what happens then?

(((HUGS)))

Joie

[SueS]

Hello everyone-

Hi TAL- I'm so glad to see you on the board. I'm sorry your trip didn't go as well as you'd hoped. You are right. It does feel like H leads two lives. I do hope that it does bite him some day though. Not too hard, just a little nip to see how it hurts!

D3 seems to be doing better. I've pretty much always been the care taker when it comes to her. I always get up with her and typically am the main comfort for her. Yes, getting up for work after having been up a few times a night with a sick child is stressful.

Joie- I'm actually feeling about the same today. Maybe because I'm still not 100% with my health. Still have the sniffles & a cough. I've been crying a bit off and on since the other night. It does help me to let it out. I don't think H will ever understand what this has done to me unless he has to go through it himself some day.

You are right about me and Karen. My H is still very secretive about what's going on. He won't tell me where he goes & still lies about where he's been or who he's been with.

H is going out of town on Friday. I've all but confirmed that he's going by himself. He is going to see Bruce Springsteen in Omaha. A few months ago he talked about going. I asked who he was going with. He said....myself.....why?...do you want to go? At the time I said yes. I have not asked about it since and he has not mentioned it to me. He also has tickets to see him here in MN on this Sunday. I also have not asked about that, nor has he brought it up to me.

I will take D3 to dinner on Friday and we'll go see a movie on Saturday. Something fun for the two of us to do.

I'm having an incredibly hard time concentrating on anything today. I can't seem to keep my mind on track at all.

SueS

[karen43]

Sue,
On one end of the spectrum here we have Karen, who's H has been 100% direct about wanting a D, going out with OW, etc. Then on the other end, there is your H, who is still trying to keep things hidden and under the table. Neither sitch is easy, but I think yours has to be worse of 2 evils.


Joie

I agree with you, Joie, but my H's openness is tough on our kids though! And I hate to say it, but I wonder if the reason why Sue's H is more secretive is because Sue's H still thinks their R can work out, and my H is 100% (or close) invested in having a R with OW instead of me. Karen

[karen43]

Hello everyone-

D3 seems to be doing better. I've pretty much always been the care taker when it comes to her. I always get up with her and typically am the main comfort for her. Yes, getting up for work after having been up a few times a night with a sick child is stressful.

I'm having an incredibly hard time concentrating on anything today. I can't seem to keep my mind on track at all.

SueS

I'm glad your D3 is doing better! My H used to help with the kids, but hasn't in several years, so I can relate. It is stressful!!!

I also know what you mean about the concentration and mind thing. I feel like I have ADD in the last month or two. I get distracted all the time, forget what I'm trying to do, etc. My C says the stress I (all of us here) are going through definitely affects your mind and memory. I guess eventually that'll improve (I hope)! Karen

[Yoyowife]

Sues,
I definitely went through not being able to concentrate or complete a task. I was a wreck, but time does help and AD's don't hurt either!

[SueS]

Karen-

I think the openess of knowing exactly when H will leave would be very hard. My H has told me (while drunk) that our M is over. He's told me that OW is his soul mate. I've found links to rentals that they've been looking at. He also started looking at furniture too within the past few weeks. I don't know why he's still secretive. I really don't. I truly don't feel like he thinks our M could still work. Maybe he's just keeping up with the secrecy to try to spare my feelings. He has said that he wants to make sure that D3 and I are "taken care of" before he leaves. Maybe it's to ease his guilt. I'm not sure. Either way, his not telling me or your H being open with you, it's still hard. Our H's are still have A's, leaving our families and sorry to be blunt.....screwing other women. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Yoyo - I have good days and bad days with the concentration part. Thing is....I truly love my job and I truly need it. I have a good job that pays well....not great, but well. If I'm to make it without H, I need to up my concentration. I know my output right now is no where near where it can be. And, I am on AD's. I am considering an increase though, if my Dr. would allow it. I'm on a very low dosage right now.

SueS

[Rob1231]

I think the openess of knowing exactly when H will leave would be very hard.

Actually, it's not that simple.

My W told me exactly when she was going to be leaving - in one month.

The next month, she told me exactly when she would be leaving - in one more month.

Pretty soon, it was "as soon as the holidays are over".

Thank goodness, that day (even though it was "set in stone" several times over) never came!

Bottom line: Vague spew or exact spew is still... spew.

[SueS]

Rob-

I didn't look at it that way. Good point. Anyway you look at it, it's hard.

I mentioned earlier that my H is going out of town on Friday. He emailed me just a short time ago asking if D3 and I would like to get up early Friday morning and go have breakfast with him before he leaves. What a messed up man. Supposedly making plans to move in with OW, going out of town to a concert without being concerned about the schedules of his family members.....yet wanting to spend some time with us on Friday morning before he leaves. Is he somehow clinging to us just in case something falls through with OW or is he just trying to ease his own guilt. Only he knows I guess.....or maybe he doesn't even know!

Thanks again Rob.

SueS

[karen43]

Is he somehow clinging to us just in case something falls through with OW or is he just trying to ease his own guilt. Only he knows I guess.....or maybe he doesn't even know!

SueS

I always wonder that too when H spends time with me and seems to enjoy it so much as well--is it guilt or what? But I think you are right with your last-our H's don't even know! Like you said, our H's are "messed up"! Karen