What specifically would you like to change in your marriage.
What would you like to have more of...What would you like him to do?
I would like a date night and have asked for it and his answer is NO. A scheduled date night could be anything from getting a sitter and going out to dinner, the movies, running errands or staying home and spending some awake no tv time together after the kids go to bed...this of course would have been a lot easier when the kids were little and in bed tucked in by 7PM now it's still doable but our alone time wouldn't start until 8:30...still OK but he's usually asleep by then. Why he wouldn't agree to this date night? I don't know...so instead we just don't spend time together connecting at all.
obviously anything else really would be foolish if #1 date night (which really is let's spend time fostering a r in a fun way...let's become friends again). How can I ask for a sex life if I no longer want sex with him. And after all when I asked for a more frequent sex life that got balked at too..."that's just the way I am" was the best response I could get. Didn't matter that "that's just NOT the way I am". So he wins...no date night and no sexual relationship.
I'd like for him to be more involved in the kids lives but cannot make any mention of a defecit of anykind in his fathering abilities because he wont hear it. He's a great father in his mind.
GAL is a good thing. Especially if you are doing things to make you happy. It isn't enough for a marriage though. There are other things you can do as well...depending on your relationship goals.
I've been doing things for me all along...they were great for me but didn't help the m at all. Some I've outgrown and some I just put less focus on as other things required more time. The things I've been doing were more busy type things not life goal type things. Joining the gym will be a good ME thing as will going back to school. For over 9 years I've wanted to get my masters first came the kids (no problem I wanted them and don't regret putting off school or a career because of them) then came h's a and seperation. When he first returned I expressed interest in going back to school to which he replied "why don't you just get a job with the degree you have now" that's a great idea for some fields but not mine...I'd be working ridiculous hours in high stress situations for pennies. With an masters degree I'd have more options for employment and pay.
Anyway, Thanks for stopping by..it's always nice to know a moderator is paying attention...and on that note...I have a question for you sgctxok, should I be in this forum if I don't really feel like I'm piecing? I don't think I belong in waw's yet nor do I really feel like "I'm thinking about leaving" is the place for me either...is it just that the gang that was here when h first came home has moved on making me feel like maybe I don't belong here or is it something else? Is it like oldtimer says...I'm 5+ years ahead of where the rest of these posters are? Does JamesJohn ever post anymore?
