All I can say is our situations sound very similar. I could have written much of what you did. My only advice is to sit with the uncertainty and trust the process of life. Things will unfold in due time. Your answers will come one day, and you will know. Right now you are still unsure of things, and that's OK. The pain is horrible, but you aren't yet ready to pull the plug. You can do so if you feel you need to, on your terms at your pace. But you don't sound like you want to do that. I don't think it's easy to just pull away from someone we have loved for so long, even if they are treating us badly. I think I finally have some insight into why some women stay with those who physically abuse them.
Don't let others influence your thinking about divorce; only you can decide if that is truly what you want, and when you want it.
This is to me the hardest part. Not knowing if waiting is going to lead to some change toward a new R, or if I'm on the slow road to D. W and I don't talk about D, or anything else. You seem to be in a similar spot. Some days you think it's over and you are wasting your time by waiting around for what look's like a fool's errand, but other days you remember your feelings for her and believe, perhaps naively, that love can be reborn.
That's not much of an answer, I'm afraid. Hang in there.
