We Hold on

[fightingirish]

nocodes,

Don't you know it.. of course when they acted up before we went, that's what I told him, No disney if they aren't listening... Not that it mattered to my S2, he wouldn't know the difference... but my 5 year old certainly would!! Thanks for the compliment by the way!.. Yes they are to cute for their own good, that's how they work their mommy!

Thanks yoyo... that's why I couldn't even dream of hurting them. they are my loves.

My next vacation will be somewhere that is relaxing though!

tal

[LL44]

My girls and your boys....next year at Disney. What do you think? Could be trouble.... lol Your boys are precious!

TAL.. theodon and saffie and nocode have said it all. Very well. This is a great time to grab H, shake him a bit, and try to change things. I can only imagine theo is right, you are in the spot where many WAS's are before they fall into an A. You are sad, lonely and stressed. I can imagine your H is too.

Super (((HUGS)))

[theoden]

TAL,

Nice to drop by here.

I appreciate your determination to make your marriage work.

Pamper yourself a bit. If you feel groovy and "all that" you'll be more centered and clear about asking your husband for what you want.

One or two VERY IMPORTANT POINTS.....

Because you post on the infidelity thread, most of us here are in situations where detaching, "going dark" and the Last Resort Technique are the only way we can survive our situations. They are not probably as useful for your marriage situation. We are all in fire-fight mode, which doesn't always assist communication.

If I were you I would re-read The Divorce Remedy and implement Michell's advice about asking for what you want in small, positive, bite-size steps.

Perhaps even another book like the Seven Principles of a For Making a Marriage Work by Gottman might be more positive and useful for you.

--Theoden

[Sara]

TAL,

I don't remember much of your sitch, but an unhappy time in Disney is just what we did before I caught on to H's affair. He was a whining, complaining, horrible person to be with. And he would send me off so he could sit on a bench and call OW.

Theo is right, if you can find a way to get your H to go to Retrouvaille with you there is hope. It takes two people and open minds and willing hearts. That's all. You are clearly in the Misery stage of marriage. Check out the website, http://www.helpourmarriage.org and read through the stages, then look for a date and location for a weekend near you. Believe me, no couple going there walks in believing it will work for them. But the transformation is incredible. By the second day they are walking arms around each other, laughing and whispering in each other's ears. All it takes is a willingness to go and listen. And Theo is correct, you do not share your story with anyone else there -- only your spouse.

[fightingirish]

Theo,

Thanks again. I will do that (the reading)..

I don't know if my H cheated on me or not. My story is he's had a problem with porn, but 1. I found a very graphic letter that he typed and I don't know where it came from or who it was to. 2.I found out he posted a naked picture of himself on an adult web site.

I didn't do a lot of snooping, just some. Didn't find out much. But these things were a total blow to me and I have yet to trust him again, or believe what he tells me without me questioning everything.

When I found the web site thing I packed the kids up and left. Just went to a hotel for the night to collect myself. He apologized, didn't really give me any reason for what he did, just that he didn't feel wanted and wanted to see what reaction he would get. It was quite the excuse.

Anyway he was sorry for what he did, but it didn't change what he did.

Ive already accepted that i won't feel exactly the same for him as I once did. You know, the blind love that you have thinking, "oh he would never do that to me".. Its good and its bad. At least I won't be entirely blindsided again.

theo, I hope things are getting better for you. You have helped so many and deserve some happiness yourself

Fondly,

Tal

[fightingirish]

Sara,

Thanks for stopping by, I went over a little bit above what actually happend with us.

I would love to go to that, but because of my H's schedule, I don't know if its even do-able. He's under a lot of stress right now with his business.

I have decided to start focusing more on things I like to do when Im able to. Even if the kids are with me (which is always) Im going to start finding projects to do with and without them and try to get myself upbeat and positive.

I don't think he's cheating, but having the rest of this to deal with is almost as bad.

Thanks for your input, I will continue to work on us, im not giving up by any means.

tal

[SueS]

tal-

Hi there! Thanks for stopping by my thread. You're so sweet. Loved the pictures of your boys. How handsome they are. I recently had a discussion with D3 and now she knows that girls are pretty & boys are handsome!

You said that you don't think your H cheated but that dealing with the rest is bad too. You're right. No matter if he's physically with someone or emotionally. I'm not saying it's someone specific, but just his attention being moved to those things (porn, internet) rather than it being on you is a big deal. We understand.

Have fun with those boys!

SueS

[fightingirish]

just journaling...

H has been crazy with work and on the phone constantly.. which I understand, but I can't even get 2 seconds to speak with him alone. S2 was up all night sick and coughing.. got to go to the dr.s today... another long day.

Trying to be patient.. but is hard when the waiting just takes it toll.

Going to have lunch with my sister, then the dr.s then home, Hopefully tonight will be quiet. H probably won't be home till late, so I have to shoot for maybe tomorrow to talk some things over with him.

Till then my land lovers...

tal

[fightingirish]

I don't know Im at a loss...

My best friend called me and asked if My H and I could got out Friday night to dinner and to watch this irish band.. I was really up for it until I talked to H..

Me: I wanted to ask you if you would like to go to dinner and to watch a band friday night, my mom could watch the kids?
H: we really don't have the money for that right now do we?
me: I think we can spare some since we haven't had a night out alone in months.
H: I don't know, We have lots of bills coming up..
Me: Ok, I just call and tell her know then, It would have been nice to go though.
H: ok, Talk to you later..

what the hell..Im telling you, we can spare the $$ , He has no problem spending it on other things.. He just didn't want to go with me.

Im ready to blow up... Im making an effort her and he just doesn't get it or just doesn't care. He on work mode and that is the only thing he is passionate about, because its not me.

I don't know if I should just drop it, or what. Im going to keep my distance... because I know I will say something I will later regret.

tal

[saffie]

tal,

I bet it's not he doesn't want to spend time with you - he sounds stressed out and maybe he his just at a stage when he won't enjoy spending money on anything and deep down inside he knows he won't make good company.

I am not tyring to belittle how you feel; I am just trying to put another perspective on things. Maybe he felt he spent more money than he thought it was going to cost at Disney? I know how easy it is to blow the $$ there and you don't want to restrict yourselves when on holiday and the kids really want things etc....

If you do get a chance to talk to him why don't you ask him if there is anything bothering him. It's so easy to get the post vacation blues.....and maybe he's not looking forward to working away fron home in the summer and that's why he arranged the extra three days to unwind- maybe that's a bit of a carrot for him. Is there any way you could join him for those last three days?

I am sorry he is making you feel this way at the moment