Will I be here?

[Beth 83]

Here's the issue I have w/ H.

I know that he got OW flowers for Valentine's Day. He sent them through his flower account and the card read, "Happy Valentine's Day, Sweatheart. I love you. Love, H"

He sent me a $20 box of cookies that said, "Happy Valentine's Day, Elizabeth. ~ H"

See the difference? no, "Love" to me.

I think the ring is him still living a double life. When he is staying at his parents house, (which is only 3 miles from our house) he wears his ring. He is used to taking it on and off. So, when he sees me, he keeps it on. NO WAY, is he still wearing it with OW.

I've had numerous nightmares that I've confronted him about wearing his ring and he would take it off, relieved that he didn't need to "make believe" around me anymore. Honestly, that is why I think he is wearing his ring. He is so used to living a double life. He hasn't changed one bit since our separation. He is still a self-loather.

I told my therapist that H is like an egg: He has created this strong exterior, but he is still so soft and disturbed on the inside from his childhood wounds and self-hatred. That he wants to be a stronger person, but he needs to work from the inside out. which he doesn't do.

if anyone read, make up, don't break up. That is My H and my relationship. He needs to work on his own deep, DEEP issues before things will ever be ok with us. I just worry he never will b/c he hasn't done anything yet.